Can you live completely faithfully, representative of the real you? Not the cleaned-up version that is easy to digest, smooth like pablum that will not ruffle any feathers or alarm the simple-minded who want to be entertained, but will you live as the rough-edged you that hides beneath your skin? Can you escape your self-imposed cage and unapologetically shout, "This is me, and if you don't approve, I don't give a damn because I have spent a whole lifetime freeing myself of what you think, and I am not going back in the cage"? For you are living in a cage of your own making. Perhaps society has encouraged you to stay comfortable in your cage, especially women. Especially people of color, especially the immigrants. Society has not asked them to stay in their place; it has commanded them to. The only free ones are the masters—the rich European men. They are free to roam, to speak with Southern tongues and to lie about the past, and free to abuse those in cages because they put them there. Curiously, while they enjoy advantages which they claim is God's gift to them, the favored sons, they are not guiltless and therefore not unashamed. For they live a lie that must be defended. They cannot lay down at night with a clear conscience. They are guilty and ashamed, for the advantages, if not stolen by them, were taken by their fathers and uncles so that what they own is second-hand booty: ill-gotten gain. But they won't admit it, for they are afraid of the cage.
The cage you have been assigned is only as strong as your belief in the supremacy of the patriarchy. You were sold a philosophy that declared, "Might makes right! Big is better. White is better; male is better. Brawn is superior to brains. Fabricated and manufactured is better than natural. Violence shall rule. Compassion is weakness. Listening is nonsense. Take what you want by any means necessary. The younger, the better. The stronger, the better. Be grateful for what you have been given and do not question". These are the chants of the patriarchy. But once you have worked your way out of the cage due to education, be it formal or informal, you can see it more clearly. A lie is only something made up and not somewhere you can live. So you become psychologically homeless, refusing what once was solid and confining but at east it was a home, a place to rest your head. Freed from the four walls of the patriarchy, you stand alone. Alone feels expansive and full of possibilities compared to the cage, but it is still not a home. It occurs to you that it is up to you to fashion a home, one that is just your size and shape, a burrow for books and tea and learning. Nobody is telling you where to go, or what to do, or what to think. It is at the same time exhilarating and anxiety-producing. Free of the cage, you can breathe again. The air is distinctly fresher, the sky vast, and you are keenly alive. Only now can you think your wildest thoughts and be your unrestrained self. So, I am urging you to free yourself squarely and say, "Don't you dare create for yourself a cage ever again."
And while you will make a home, you will come to accept that there is no home; save yourself. Nobody will admit this. Your mother certainly will not, for she wants her children to always return to her. The fathers have no home without a woman to direct them, and without a maturnal, guiding presence, men can get themselves into a peck of trouble. But what if the family is a cage of its own? Then it no longer is a home, for home is a belonging. Family is inclusion, unequivocally. And if you no longer belong in a cage, you may not belong to a family anymore. The truth is that there is only one home, and it is within you. Home is not a country of origin or even "your people." You may be part of a group without feeling that you belong to the group. Family is knowing that you are accepted for who you are, but too many people feel ill-at-ease being themselves. It is important to become comfortable with whatever you are. You may be tall or short, fat or thin, young or old, but however you look and whatever defines you must make you proud. To take pride in yourself completely, you do not have to like everything. You may dislike certain aspects and wish you could change many of your features and personality quirks. This is normal. But bigger than superficial dislikes, you must have the feeling of "I have something of value to offer. I am valuable." The feeling of intrinsic worth means that you will always be acceptable, and being acceptable, you need not find meaning in anyone outside of yourself. This level of profound self-acceptance is as close to enlightenment as most people will ever get. You will stop searching for a home once you come home to yourself. These are not platitudes, but deep truths that most people never arrive at. There is nothing fancy or mysterious about taking destiny firmly in hand and letting it lead you. I believe our souls know where to take us. Churchgoers let their souls lead them to church, but during the week they turn down the soul's volume to low. This is what we call a hypocrite. Do as I say, not as I do. Politics and religion are bursting with contrived saints. A real saint follows the soul 24-7. And you call that miraculous because to follow one's destiny is rare indeed. To be out of the cage, to be at home completely within yourself, and to follow destiny is to live an extraordinary life.
It is easy to be self-deceived. It is simple to lie to oneself. You do it often, sometimes all day long. Living in denial of the truth is so much less friction than being in opposition to the lies you are told. Going along with, not rocking the boat, staying where you are, not making a fuss, and maintaining the status quo require little effort. It also can cheat you out of the growth you so desperately need. You need to grow so that you do not keep repeating the same mistakes. If you repeat your blunders, you get locked into a never-ending spin cycle. Mistakes cause suffering and are the result of ignorance. Nobody wants to suffer, but when confronted with your ignorance, you deny your mistakes. It is easy to imagine that aliens would think humans an imbecilic race, for they are self-defeating. At some point, you will tire of going in circles and sabotaging yourself. That is when you start telling the truth to yourself, and suddenly your life will change.
I do not belong in a cage, and neither do you. Nobody deserves to be manipulated and controlled. But until you snap out of your stupor, the powers are more than satisfied with allowing you such a tiny piece of the pie. It is up to each person to realize that they deserve more and to start asking for it. And please realize there is no ruling class or upper echelon. There are only humans in different phases of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual development, and these are variables you control. If you have not advanced intellectually since high school, please remember that universities are still open. If your emotional intelligence is low, there are ways to improve, including counseling and communication training. If you have not given much thought to your spiritual journey and the only time you think of it is when you attend church, realize that you are first and foremost a spiritual being having a human experience. Spiritual development is not optional. It is vital. You should be the most advanced version of yourself, but to grow, you must intend to grow. It does not happen by accident.
If you are a white, European man, I cannot assume that you are one of the entitled, entitled. What I mean is, there are entitled white men who are aware of the advantages they have enjoyed all their lives, and then there are entitled, entitled white men who assume superiority because that is the doctrine they were taught. But every white European man is entitled, and by that I mean you have been given every advantage that can be awarded by society, whether you approve or not. "Entitled" means that you expect the best opportunities. You cannot be offered the best jobs, the best educations, family money, and the respect due a prince and not come to expect it. I can only say with certainty that you will never know what it feels like to be a second-class citizen, because white men make the rules. They set up the class system and maintain it. The game is rigged so they win. And when they are losing control, they lose control, and their support system sees what it looks like when a person who has always won is dealt a bad hand. Men who are abusers have to win, or else.
To the men who admit that the system is rigged in their favor, you have taken a step in the right direction. A bigger step would be to use your position, influence, and power to level the playing field. Equality can be a scary proposition for men, as they are accustomed to having a leg up. Without the helping hand of systemic racism they are just another human being. The power dynamic shifts when there is no advantage awarded. To the entitled, entitled man, this can feel like weakness or less control. Really, it is humility, which is strength under control. Use whatever influence you have to usher in equal treatment and you will have done something worthy.
There are two cages you must face: one created by the patriarchy that keeps a hierarchical system functioning and that supports their agenda. The second is a cage of your own making that maintains your facade of social acceptability. By that, I mean you embody what it means to be a member of polite society, whether it fits you or not. You have the ability to leave both cages behind, but most people will stay comfortable in both for their whole existance. They may step out of line when there are change-points, including after a divorce or the death of a loved one, because these can be psychologically jarring, flipping you into a different experience of life. But to leave the well-worn cage is not comforting but unsettling, and disorienting. Most people cannot tollerate the guard rails being taken away; they will run back to the perceived safety of the familiar. And convention-loving people keep the system which supresses them in place. There is a saying: "Better to know the familar monster than the monster you do not know." They may agree that they are playing by society's unfair rules, but what is lurking in the darkness of the unknown? It is fear of the unknown which is the sticking point.
Are there areas of your life where you are playing by someone else's rules? If so, does it feel restrictive? Are you completely satisfied with these areas of your life (your spiritual self, ect), or dissatisfied? Please see, there is only one person who can free you from a self-imposed cage. You are the jailor, not the other. Nobody else holds the keys to your unlocking. This is both welcome news, and bad news. You do not get to point the finger any longer. To make a change is to take 100% responsibility for your destiny. And if you unlock yourself, what you make of your life, whether a dream come true or a mess, belongs to you. The good news is that once you are free of convention, the "should-haves," and the guilt, you get a fresh start! You will be born again, given another chance to write the book of your life. And in the new version you will be able to spot a cage coming a mile away.
With Love,
Frida
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