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When you find yourself thinking negatively, when anger is kindled too quickly, when everything and everybody seems chaotic, and when you have not had time to do your favorite thing, there is a secret to unlocking a work-life balance. Most important is, you must give yourself permission to relax. Play is every bit as important as work. If you have been depriving yourself from doing what you love, you are being a grinch and a scrooge to yourself. It is justified to be a hard taskmaster when you have taken too much time off so that the work you committed to is not getting done. Then, being a harsh parent to yourself is justified. But if it happens that you have developed the unconscious belief that doing what you love is frivolous because it is not getting you closer to your financial goals, well then, you are frustrating your inner child, and this restriction-driven attitude will cause you to become sour and difficult with others. Have you noticed how happy you are on a long-awaited vacation? You are even happy to return to work when it is over because it feels as if joy is spilling out everywhere. Your face is open and smiling, and you have gratitude in your heart. You feel like a king or queen, don't you? Why is it that you do not feel like this every day? Because you have nothing to look forward to, only miles of work stretching endlessly ahead. The kid in you loses hope that you will take them out to play, and your brow is knitted. No smiles cross your face because there really is an inner child inside. You may not pay attention to them, but they pay attention to you. When you are being overly restrictive, they crawl into a corner of your heart and sit balled up and silent. Why do you treat your child this way? Don't they deserve to go out and play like the rest of the kids?
You may object to this idea because you see yourself as a mature and hardened professional who does not want or need to play anymore. All you need to do is to earn money to be happy. All you want is financial stability and a little bit of security for yourself and your family. It would be irresponsible of you to use your time, even your days off, doing what you enjoy. Then ask yourself: why is it irresponsible to relax as an adult? Because you are not being productive in the traditional sense. Because you may spend money rather than earn it, although money is made to be spent. Because others may criticize your need for relaxation and think you lazy when you have a list of tasks at home that never seem to get done.
Let us discuss this grown-up idea of responsibility. What is it that you are responsible for? You may have a family to provide for, a pet to take care of, and children who need your time and attention. You may have a partner who has been shoved to the side so you can get your work completed (although it is never completed). You are responsible for all these important things—it is true. But let me ask, if you are burned out and imbalanced, aren't you less of a productive employee, partner, and parent? You are the friend who disappeared and is now "too busy" to participate in the fun activities you used to. You have become a "stick in the mud"—stuck in one place, mired in responsibilities that have weighed you down. You are discouraged, not playful. You are unimaginative and overly critical. Is this the person you want to be?
Your inner child only wants one thing for you: a proper work-life balance. It is difficult for adults to remember the joy of being a child. Gone are the days when you jumped out of bed and greeted the morning sunshine with a smile. Now you rush. You gulp down your coffee (or breakfast if you are lucky), stuff yourself in your car, and race to work. At work you face a list of to-dos that you know you can never accomplish in a day and probably not in a week, but you push yourself from one task to the next because you are eternally behind. Because you are in a hurry to finish, you make errors, which takes more time. And all along stress is piling up until your shoulders are bunched in a knot and you've given yourself a headache or stomach ache. You daydream a lot because you are bored with much of the project, and what are you fantasizing about? You are escaping to do what you love, to relax.
Your inner child is nothing more than your subconscious mind. It is your psychological operating system. It is the iceberg below the surface of your conscious mind that you cannot see. It understands you much better than you do. It is also your warning system. It will send you signals when you have gotten out of balance. The signals look like negativity, boredom, frustration, and anger. When you see these surfacing, it is the unconscious mind warning, "Danger—iceberg ahead!" Time to relieve stress. Sex is a wonderful stress reliever, and you should never feel guilty about it. God would not have given you the equipment if He did not want you to use it! Beyond that, doing what you love can reset your frame of mind and refresh you. I hope you will get into the habit of planning a play date when stress has piled up. Nobody will come along and say, "Why aren't you out having fun?" because the other adults are fighting their own battles with finding a balanced life. You must look out for your own well-being.
You must retrain your mind with the thought that there is nothing to feel guilty for when you are having fun. You are burning off stress, which is absolutely essential for remaining mentally and physically healthy. Your well-being depends upon your willingness to play more. When your mind is free and clear, you will be twice as productive at work and focused at home. When you are out of balance, those around you know it. They may not say it, but they can see it in your dark and worried face. If they resent your play days, remind them that you want to be happier when you are with them, and for you to achieve that, you must do what you love. First and foremost, you are responsible to yourself. Never forget that. Take better care of yourself, and you will surely take better care of others. I relieved stress by smoking and drinking since I had a body that I could not exercise. Being confined to a wheelchair or a bed really limits how free one is. However, I could have found healthier outlets. I ruined my health and passed before my time. I regret treating my beautiful machine that way. However, I did let my inner child out to play. She liked to draw and paint, and I encouraged her to be a great artist, to paint daily. Though I did not listen to my body and its warning signs, I listened to her as she said to me, "Thank you for letting me paint." Inner children are so very appreciative, even for the smallest of kindnesses. And I came to understand that she was my best friend because she kept me alive. In her sweet, persistant voice she'd say, "Cmon, Frida," as if she were pulling my arm. I couldn't say no to her. She would tell me I smoked too much and I shouldn't drink anymore, but I didn't listen. I was too busy punishing myself for my perceived failures. Does this sound like someone you know?
Promise me that you will take your inner child out to play soon. They deserve it, and so do you.
With Love,
Frida