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Anger is an important emotion. It is critical for your health and peace of mind that you learn what to do with it. And it is no use pretending that you are not an angry person. Of course you are, and so was I. This is because there is so much for you to be angry about. Your world is set up so that you are pushed to the brink and about to lose control when here comes a program or a product telling you that unless you have it, there is no hope for your sanity. Unless you buy what the con artists are selling, you are not in the know, not outperforming other people, and are going to be beaten out by more savvy minds than your own. In addition to making you feel less-than and inadequate by comparison, corporations are setting the standards. So while you are not measuring up, it is their measuring stick! It is a no-win situation. And why are advertisements engineered to make you feel second-class? It is to create a perceived need in you for their product. Their marketing is contrived so that you feel hopelessly inept and desperate to buy what they are selling. Do these corporations have a conscience? Do they stop to consider the poor, vulnerable consumer who is the unwitting victim in their corporate web of lies? They do not think of you as a person. They only see your fragility and gullibility and aim to exploit it. Every social system, including educational, financial/banking, and many more, is founded upon consumerism, which has set up society so that it benefits the rich stockholders alone. Why then shouldn't you be angry? You are being manipulated! You are being played like a puppet on a string, told when to dance and how to dance. Why shouldn't you be indignant about being taken advantage of, for you are being gouged at every turn? They have inflated prices, and each year it gets more expensive to afford the bare necessities. Corporations are putting the squeeze on you like a python wraps and smothers its prey. You, my friend, are being smothered while being told that you should remain calm and pleasant in the face of injustice.
They do not want an angry mob—they want clueless consumers who are so under their spell that they will trample their neighbor for the next new product. Forget that they are asking many times what it costs to produce it—they have shareholders to please. All you are to them is a meal ticket. You are their prey, and if you object, they will squeeze tighter because they are the puppetmasters. And you will back down and be quiet because, after all, you have to get to work and gasoline is the only way to get there. So you dummy up and stuff the feeling of powerlessness and smile benignly. You are just one in a sea of helpless consumers who are feeling the squeeze, so you do not feel right about complaining. You do not want to be seen as a trouble-maker; you might lose your job or a boss might label you as difficult. You grin and bear it, and every year the squeeze gets tighter and more constricting. But you will not let yourself feel the rage because it has been pushed deep inside, hidden from polite society, hidden from coworkers, and hidden from your family. Because you are a modern-day martyr, you grit your teeth and keep your head down. You don't question; you obey. You don't object; you agree with your oppressors. And the most distasteful part of this dysfunctional and morally corrupt system is that you, on behalf of your company, victimize the poor stiffs who buy your product. You must, or someone will replace you. Then how will you pay the exorbitant bills coming due? It's the way of the world, you tell yourself. If I didn't do my job, someone else would. I'm just a small cog in a big wheel. I am powerless to change such a giant system. If I squeak, they'll only crush me flatter.
But now I want you to tell the truth to yourself. Nobody has to know except you and I the answer to this. Is it better to be the python or the mouse? If you had to choose one, my guess is you would rather be the python, for at least he wouldn't be dinner. But how do you live with yourself knowing you are the python? You do not stop long enough to think of what you are doing to that consumer as long as you have your dinner. And this is how evil triumphs. The good people look away as the python does its dastardly deeds. You have looked away for a long time. You may even be like that python, squeezing innocent people for a profit. What to do about this never-ending injustice?
Anger is the answer. You may not have expected that, but anger is not always a negative. Sometimes, anger, turned against wrongdoing, motivates change. It is not wrong to feel angry. It is not wrong to show that you feel angry. It is not a sin; it is nothing to be hidden or ashamed of. Anger under control is authority. When you are deeply moved by anger at injustice, you have taken back your power. You have refused to play their game and broken free of the chokehold. Only then will the rule-makers step back and regroup. If you gather a group of angry people-consumers who have had enough, if you will band together, your collective voice becomes much louder. If you stand quietly by and wait for someone else to lead you, you may be waiting forever. I am saying to use your anger! Do not misdirect it at loved ones—they are not the ones to blame. If you are feeling anger, look closely at what the cause is. If it is your relationship causing it, present your case in such a way that you yourself would stop and listen. If you are feeling anger because of work, what exactly is bothering you? Come up with a way to solve the problem. Every time anger stops you, it is trying to give you a message. Don't pretend that you are too good to feel angry because everyone feels it. And if you can't feel it, you are denying it is there. It lies beneath the calm exterior and logical responses. It may be deeply buried many layers out of your conscious awareness, but it is there in a cellar that your conscious mind has padlocked. Find the key, my friend. Without freeing the raw anger bubbling beneath the surface, how can you heal? How can you grow and progress emotionally? Psychologically you need anger as much as you need happiness. You cannot be genuinely free unless you process the anger that you say you do not have.
Modern-day martyrs may be a favorite of their bosses and families because on the surface they do not cause issues. They are the nicest people! Always smiling, always sunny, never a cross word to be had. Be like me in this regard—I had a perma-unibrow that shouted from a mile away: "Take advantage of me and you will regret it." I was a serious character, and because I did not suffer fools, I was treated with respect. If you let others walk on you, they will. It is your job to teach others how you expect to be treated. Take yourself seriously. If you have talent, carry yourself as if you do. Respect yourself and others will follow. I was not concerned with whether people liked me personally or not. I was not born to be liked or disliked. I wanted the public to appreciate my talent, but if they did not like me personally, I did not care because maybe I did not like them. Stop expecting people to like you. That is a trap. If someone does not like you, they are missing out, but do not give it a second thought. You must like you. If you like and genuinely respect yourself, then other's opinions of your life should not matter.
Anger has been misrepresented as a destructive force. It can be, just as a knife can be used for good or for ill. It depends upon how you use the anger you are feeling. Put it to work for you. Let it teach you what you want and do not want. You don't have to walk around being a mean and angry person; I was not. But I was in touch with anger as much as other more "positive" emotions because it can be a teacher. It is not comfortable or easy to feel anger, which is why most people won't let themselves feel it. But if you live in denial of it by trying to make everyone love and accept you, nobody knows the real you. Let all of you be seen—the good and the angry. My one caution is this: deal with your anger in private. Talk to God about it and let the tears come. Get in touch with what's been bothering you. Then, after you have processed it privately, you are ready to share it. Share it calmly, but honestly. Don't sugarcoat it. It is fine if your face looks serious—they will take you seriously, because being a modern-day martyr is getting you nowhere.
I want for you to get to know your anger very well. Do not be scared by your anger. Understand where it is coming from and what is causing it. Then you can heal it. If you avoid it, if you say you do not have it, you cannot know it. There is much shame when you admit your anger; shame is placed on the person who admits it is real. But when pushed down, buried, and unseen, it has the power to harm you and others. To get rid of anger, you mustn't ignore it. The longer you ignore and deny it, the greater power it will have over you. Conversely, if you face it squarely, you can reduce and control it. To hide anything is to be functioning out of shame. Admit that you are human and therefore feel anger as well as many other emotions. This openness will empower you to bring the dark into the light. Feel it to heal it.
With Love,
Frida
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