Booksie.com-Depression-My Battle With Depression by Nina Bingham

You wake, and your body, which has always greeted the morning with enthusiasm, seems to be encased in lead. You’ve just rested for a full night’s sleep, yet you turn over and decide to hibernate. Your cell phone’s ringing in the distance, because work is expecting you; there’s college coursework demanding your attention, and your child needs a ride to school. You know the housework is piling up. Still, nothing matters except sleep. You want to cry, but you can’t. You should ask for help, but you can’t. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and even ending the pain are demanding all your attention. If you could reach for the phone, maybe you’d call for help, but your arms are too heavy to move. You’re body HAS given up; you’re encased, mummified in your own skin; a sort of waking coma. Alone with dry tears, you think, “This has been a long time in coming.” This paper is to inform you of what it feels like to suffer clinical depression, how many people in America suffer from it, what causes it, a common misconception about it, and how it is commonly treated. 

I am a Qualified Mental Health Care Associate for the State of Oregon. I am employed as a Mental Health Counselor. Despite my mental health credentials, I too was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, and required treatment, which saved my life. Although I have two psychology degrees, am a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and am currently enrolled in a MS in Mental Health Counseling Program, at one time in my life, depression paralyzed me. Who does depression effect, why do so many people suffer from it? What is the truth about depression? 

 The truth is: depression can strike anyone at any time. Like a car mechanic, just because you know how to repair an engine doesn’t guarantee your car won’t break down! Depression runs in families. “Researchers are becoming increasingly aware that depression runs in families -- sometimes across multiple generations (Webmd.com, Kam, Katherine, 2011). If you have a genetic propensity for it, enough stress can kindle the illness into an inferno. Suddenly, your car’s on fire! What do you do when you’re car’s broken down and engulfed in flames?

You call for help, of course! The catch is, your body is too immobilized by brain chemistry gone awry to move. Even the thought of explaining your predicament is too overwhelming. In fact, you’re flooded with such helpless desperation that letting the flames win seems like the only solution. “Of the 30 or so neurotransmitters that have been identified, researchers have discovered associations between clinical depression and the function of three primary ones: serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. These three neurotransmitters function within structures of the brain that regulate emotions, reactions to stress, and the physical drives of sleep, appetite, and sexuality” (Allaboutdepression.com, 2011). In America alone, “Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults or about 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. This includes major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder. [1] 30% of women are depressed. Men's figures were previously thought to be half that of women, but new estimates are higher. [6]. 54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness. [7] 41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help [8]” (Upliftprogram.com, Murray, Bob & Fortinberry, Alicia, 2011). I am one of the 30% of American women diagnosed with major depression. Because, as the statistics prove, many Americans believe depression to be a personality weakness, I was also one of the 41% of women who were too embarrassed to seek medical help for it. But you’re a mental health professional, you might be thinking. Didn’t you know any better?

The irony of my situation is that because I was a mental health provider, I especially didn’t want to admit to my family and friends that I was suffering with it. I felt admitting it would damage my professional credibility with my supervisors. I feared my family and friends would think I was a weak person. I feared being regarded like the mentally ill patients I’d been treating, so telling the truth about my downward spiral was even harder. What pulled me out of my psychological nosedive? It is said: “When you’ve stared at the dragon long enough, there is nothing left to do but to slay it.” I was so paralyzed by depressive symptoms that I literally couldn’t get myself out of bed, other than to take care of basic bodily functions. I didn’t care anymore if I went to work, earned a degree, or got my kid to school. In fact, I was nearly catatonic and suicidal by the time I  confessed my feelings to a family member. She was by my side in less than ten minutes, dressed me, and whisked me away to my physician’s office. My doctor took one look at me, and said, “Ive never seen you like this.” She quietly and gently evaluated me while I hung my head. “Nina, this is not your fault. This is a medical diagnosis, you know that.” Hearing those words from her helped to ease the humiliation I was feeling. “We’re going to get you on anti-depressants, and in less than a month, I hope you’ll be back to your old self again.”

In five days I began to see changes in my energy level and cognition. Suddenly, the thought of suicide seemed ridiculous to me. What was I thinking! I had a beautiful daughter to live for. Within a week, interest in my work and school returned. To my surprise, my family and bosses were supportive. I contacted my school instructors and confessed why my studies had been lagging; they too were compassionate. It seemed the only one who was embarrassed about it was me! The chances of you suffering from, or knowing someone that does, or will suffer depression is great. What should you do about it?

It’s important to seek help if you are suffering from depression, because “15% of depressed people will commit suicide [11]” (Upliftprogram.com, Murray, Bob & Fortinberry, Alicia, 2011). If you know someone who is depressed, it’s important to support them rather than judge them, as depression is a medical problem; it’s not a weakness. As mental health professionals begin to "come out" of the closet regarding their personal struggles with mental disorders, I believe our culture will be the better for it. The lingering stigma of mental illness is due to lack of education about its etiology, so I for one am telling the truth: a brain problem is not the same as a character problem. It's time that we all stop being ashamed of a mental health diagnosis, whether we are a "patient" or the diagnosing clinician.

www.booksie.com/Nina Bingham

http://www.booksie.com/health_and_fitness/article/nina_bingham/a-counselors-battle-with-depression/chapter/1   

References

WebMD.com. (2011). Depression: When it’s All in the Family. Kam, Katherine, Chang,

Louise, M.D. Retrieved from the World Wide Web on: March 19, 2011 at:

http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/depression-when-its-all-in-the-family

Allaboutdepression.com. (2011). Biological Causes of Depression. Retrieved from the

World Wide Web on: March 19, 2011 at:

http://www.allaboutdepression.com/cau_02.html

            Upliftprogram.com. (2011). Depression Fact Sheet: Depression Statistics and Depression

Causes. Murray, Bob & Fortinberry, Alicia. Retrieved from the World Wide Web

on: March 19, 2011 at: http://www.upliftprogram.com/depression_stats.html