Saturday, November 18, 2023

The Center of My Heart by Devi Nina Bingham

I tried to save you

because I saw how beautiful you were.

And in the seeing of you

I forgot that I possessed beauty, too.


It took your wandering gaze

to remind me that I was as worthy of love as you.

For this, the crushing betrayal,

I learned to value myself,

when I could not turn my admiration onto you.


Upon looking within, I found a soft heart

that still beat with unquenchable love,

and that vision of loveliness 

was more potent and powerful than a thousand suns.


Yes, I love you, forever and always

for the treasure you were to me. 

But greater is a galaxy of brilliant, unnamable stars,

the song my soul sings, which outshines and outnumbers

any comely face or gentle touch.


Even yours, which has been the torch 

illuminating my way with an uncertain hope,

false and doomed as a star that burns itself out. 

The hope that kept me alive these many years

I did with my own tears extinguish. 


Now I walk by the light of my own moon,

where no shadows creep, where the air is clear

not of my love for you, but free of self-sacrifice. 

I saved me after so many tries

when my eyes beheld what you must have seen,

that my capacity to love was nearly bottomless.

And my generosity of spirit, that willingness to give

was once a never-ending ocean. 


I do not know why it took so long to see

the beauty of a soul which gave without measure

and asked so little in return. 

But we seldom rightly see our faults or our goodness.


Know that what I saw, in the most unexpected place, 

made me love you all the more,

but also put me where I should have been all along-

at the center of my heart. 


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