The Philosophy of Being

The Philosophy of Being by Nina Bingham
As I struggle to fall asleep, to "be" instead of "do," I am flooded with "shoulds" which threaten to steal, or at least, poison my peace. Barraged by a "to-do" list which is relentless and insistent, marching like an army through my mind, I pop a sleeping pill and hope for the best. Something has to put the "breaks" on the wheels turning endlessly in my head. Perhaps you've heard the saying, "I slept like a baby?" I'm envying that innocent ability children have to flop in bed and seconds later to be sound asleep. Children don't "toss and turn" unless something's bothering them. As I begin to feel groggy and slightly more relaxed I think, "What's bothering me that I can't relax when I want to?"

Being Vs. Doing
As adults, our days are jammed-packed with work, school, family and social commitments. So full that there are drive-through restaurants so we can gulp it down in the car while we talk on the speakerphone, all while driving (oh come on, I've seen you do it!). Back at work, we type emails while simultaneously talking on the speakerphone. At the grocery store, we shop and talk because thanks to the earpiece. At the gym, we workout while watching TV, or enjoy our favorite music piped in through ear buds. The point is, we are a society of multi-taskers. Americans prize efficiency because it leads to greater profits. The belief is: Do more and you'll get more. Our society is one of "doers." Like worker ants, we take our morning coffee in a commuter cup, hurry to work so we can produce, produce, produce, so we can hurry back home in time to gobble something for dinner, so we can get to the next activity on our agenda. At night, though we should be exhausted, we lay awake and rewind the problems of the day which increases our anxiety, until we have to resort to a sleep aid. Tomorrow morning, the cycle begins all over again. Our society believes that being unproductive (what I will refer to from this point on as "being") is a drag on society. The philosophy is: if you want to get ahead, don't get caught standing still. So we madly rush ourselves and others. We push ourselves and others. In the quest to produce, we view one another less as human beings, and more as "objects" to be manipulated. We don't intend it maliciously; we're just trying to get ahead of the next guy.

Equinimity
Buddhists have a belief about how life should be lived, and it is encapsulated nicely in one word: equanimity. The word means: all things being held in balance by a check and balance system. The dictionary defines it as: "Evenness of mind, especially under stress" (merrium-webster.com). The simplest synonym might be: even-tempered. Imagine the evenness of balancing perfectly on a balance beam, or treading water so you are buoyant. Perhaps you've seen a person balance a load upon their heads seemingly effortlessly? These are physical demonstrations of equanimity. Equanimity is not a physical term. It refers to a state of mind, or a "being-ness" vs. a "doing-ness". The word itself sounds like the word "equal," meaning balance. Maintaining balance is a prerequisite to how equal you treat another. If I have an image of myself as a "doer" than when others around me are "being," I might envy it, or the opposite, I might denigrate it. Many people have no relationship to "beingness" and do not know how to feel or what to do when they're required to simply "be."
A common Buddhist meditation practice is to silent retreat for a weekend, or an extended period of time in which the participants learn to appreciate quiet, and to still their busy minds through the practice of silent meditation. They greet one another in silence, eat together in silence, and meditate together in silence. They are training in being instead of doing. They are learning to welcome and honor serenity, and thus, find their center place, their equanimity.

There are people who, if they had to attend a silent retreat, would rather do just about anything else. It is because they have no relationship with equanimity. To them, the "doers" of the world, silence is a senseless waste of time. For these task-masters, learning to balance their doing with healthier doses of being is vitally important. What happens when the brain and body are not allowed to rest, recharge and stop processing is the early breakdown of the mechanism. You wouldn't expect a car to operate unceasingly, would you? Eventually, heart attack, hypertension, stroke, cancer, and brain problems begin to get our attention. If it hurts bad enough, eventually even the toughest "doer" has to listen.

Wise Up
Wisdom is the blend of experience and knowledge applied. We can tell our children to eat their vegetables and don't smoke, but when we ourselves have experienced a brush with cancer, then we have hard-won wisdom about it. This is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is learned, wisdom is lived. Knowledge boasts, "I know." Wisdom just nods its head and smiles. When you are wise, you have internalized the knowledge. It is part of you, like a vitamin or mineral you absorbed. People who are wise do not feel they have to prove or pretend they are wise. Have you ever noticed that the older people get, the less they tend to be verbal and the more they listen? I heard it said, "God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason." When you are at peace internally, you will be at peace externally. Life isn't chaotic; life is whatever we make it. If our lives have become "unmanageable," it is not because everyone experiences it that way. It's time to wise up when we've lost our equanimity. If we've lost touch with our peaceful, quiet selves, our creative, carefree selves, be assured we've projected the resultant impatience and irritation onto others.

The Art of Being
Being comfortable with being is an art form. I say this because it is in being, not in doing, that we express the finest parts of our humanity. When we are relaxed, at-ease, being mindful, present and aware, it is a graceful expression of our gratitude for life. Funny that the word "dis-ease" means an illness. When we are most ill at ease, we are stressed, and too much stress eventually manifests in physical and/or mental illness. For the worriers among us (I'm raising my hand), for the producers, accomplishers and over-accomplishers, how in this mad, mad world do we put ourselves in low gear, and how long should we stay there?

R and R
Rest and relaxation. They can look like different things for different people. It relaxes me to write, so I commonly cozy up in bed and write up a storm. Other people exercise to relax; they need that physical release and the endorphin rush. Others spend time with their family, pets, listening to music, tending the garden, or conversing with a friend. Many people find television relaxing. Some create art or enjoy crafts, or building things. Others have to "get out of town" to let their hair down. Others find socializing at a dinner party or dancing wonderfully liberating. The point is, when life becomes all work and no play, it's time to use our "wise mind" (Linnehan), and give ourselves permission to explore our lighter side. When's the last time you laughed until you cried? Couldn't stop smiling even though your face hurt? Life is not a "rat-race," and we are not rats! The encouraging thing about life is that it can be as busy or quiet as we allow it to be. We are the architect of our own lives. If you're not "sleeping like a baby" anymore, perhaps you could benefit by a rest from responsibilities that will allow you to have a day (or even a few days) of play.

Conclusion
In review, the magic of being is that in rest, in repose, there is no "earning" our keep, or striving to "get ahead." There is no justification necessary for taking space on the planet. You deserve to rest, just as you should accomplish. Being is the "other side of the coin" of doing. The philosophy of  doing says: More is better. The philosophy of being says: Enjoy what you already have. Give yourself permission to be in the moment and give thanks for what you have.