Tapas-by Devi Nina Bingham

There is a word--a concept in Hinduism that holds great significance. The Sanskrit word is "tapas." It means discipline; more exactly, disciplining oneself. Monks take this word to mean spiritual discipline, and mental purification. The Buddha starved himself in order to find the meaning of life (and found it not to work); this was his tapas. Tapas is denying ourselves what we want for what we really need. It is the opposite of gluttony, addiction and indulgence. Anytime we are suffering and growing as a result, we are enduring tapas. We do not ask to suffer as the Buddha did-it just drifts into our lives when heartbreak, illness, injury, death, or a divorce comes. So many situations in which we are involuntarily thrown in the water and asked to swim. We suffer the most when we do not have the strength or the skills to stay afloat yet are asked to stay in the water anyway. Suffering can engender a host of unwelcome emotions, among them anger, frustration, and hopelessness.

When a seed is planted it does not know it already has everything inside of it, a blueprint for how it should grow. It only knows the repressive darkness and heaviness above it, buried alive. It begins to reach upward but finds no help, no light. The seed is an apt metaphor. When we are in enduring Tapasya we just want to cry because the tests and trails seem too heavy to bear. We wish someone would come and lend us a hand, but nobody does. In these moments we are being asked to grow into a form we have never been before. Like the soldier being whipped into shape at bootcamp, we cannot see the strong soldier we are becoming. We only feel the oppressive beatdown and like GI Jane, life is kicking us in the face. We feel defeated by our enemies. But something within us keeps reaching upward, even when we do not know why. This must be because we were created to burst our confines, to bloom. If you, like me, have experienced anger, frustration, or hopelessness, you may be experiencing tapas. Perhaps you are being asked to let go of your lower nature so you can be purified. Growth is the hardest thing in the world. Most people don't grow very much because it is hard. But keep moving forward towards the picture you have of yourself, for the purified you, remembering that suffering, is the only way the seedling can bloom.

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1Devi Nina Bingham