A Giant Game of Inferiority (Dedicated to Frida Kahlo) by Devi Nina Bingham

Yes, everyone is a masterpiece. It will not appear that way to you since you are being created brick by brick, much like a house. You are the total of your pieces, not just the individual bricks. All you see are the flaws, however the master builder has flawless vision and sees what you are becoming. If you had such an everlasting vision, would you be concerned about the flaws, or would you celebrate, knowing that in the end the house will be a palace suitable for royalty? Because your vision is limited to the dreadfully imperfect earthly plane, you regard your flaws and weaknesses as something to hide. People can see your humanity, even if they don't see their own. They are well aware that they are just as flawed as everyone else, but they are busy concealing this from themselves and others.

It is all a giant game of inferiority resulting in superiority complexes. The greater the superiority complex, the stronger they look and sound, when they are as needy as you, if not needier. There is a world full of needy souls refusing to show that they need anyone, desperately pretending that they are superhuman. Every needy person feels smaller, less powerful, less capable, and less acceptable than everyone else. What a silly way to behave, feeling inferior when you are as deserving of love and forgiveness as everyone else. And, as I already stated, a masterpiece in the making.

What you do for a living will never improve your self-esteem. I was a well-known painter, but it just made me feel inferior to other Surrealists of the period, such as Picasso. Yes, he was my confidante and admirer, but I envied his work because he embodied Cubism, and Dali, of course, wrote the book on surrealistic art. These were the Spanish artists of my day, and I was meant to follow in their massive footsteps? In comparison, my paintings sang vulgar songs of my heartache and misery, but their work condensed a feeling, a notion, or a dream into magical shape and color. I believed that they were so much beyond my ability that it was preferable not to copy them, but rather to paint as only I could. I just had one thing to offer the world: my brokenness. And, to my delight, the rest of the world comprehended the language. It is a mistake to try to be someone other than yourself. It is who you were meant to be, whether the news enrages or excites you. And soon, this voyage will come to an end, and from this side of Heaven's door, it will seem like such a little time to have lived. If I could offer you one piece of advice, I would tell you to be grateful for everything that has happened (or been denied you) since it has shaped you into the unique person you are. What has formed and sculpted you, particularly the sorrow, has resulted in a person that you have grown to love, since we cannot help but love ourselves. Without the disaster that struck me down, I would not have had a motive to resuscitate myself and make such acclaimed work.

Look at individuals you admire, and you will see that their lives were not simple; success did not come easily to them. They worked their way to the top, and it is the effort that gives us wings. Isn't it true that the ugly caterpillar wrestles in its cocoon until it's ready to fly? As you writhe in the darkness, trapped as I was to your bed, tied to a shattered body, you will see no meaning in your suffering. You will turn your gentle face away from God, because He appears to be little more than a sadist. It will appear that you could perform far better than He. Will you remember what I said in these difficult times, that you are only seeing a small portion of your entire life, not the good that lies ahead? When you reach the bottom, you are on your journey back to the top. When your spirit hurts with loneliness and emptiness, someone is only around the corner and will arrive just on time. How do I know? Because I lived at the bottom for as long as anyone can and survived.

Did I perform well at enduring? At the moment, I would have told you, "I have given everything I can give; I cannot offer anything else." I was wrecked on the jagged rocks of love; I was a dinghy adrift in the wild sea, battered and broken to bits. On the beach, I lay in my wheelchair, wearing a body cast, unable to stand or even wash. But in the end, I had two arms and two hands that worked wonderfully, so I set them to work. I offered what little I had and recounted my sad story. To my astonishment, there were others throughout the world who had broken up on the shores of love and were stranded in emotional wheelchairs. So many people were sobbing inside, just like my paintings did. But did I live life correctly? Definitely not. I was a disaster. But I was proud of my appearance and refused to look amess. I was proud of my abilities and gave everything I had. However, I was a complete wreck on the inside. Frida Kahlo's beauty did not stem from her perfection. It was her elegance, her class, and her will not to give up.

You are a work in progress, so keep your head up, even if you are a mess inside, because you are still being built. As long as you have to be here, you might as well create something you can be proud of, giving something to the world despite the agony you are in. Make it beautiful, because the world needs more beauty. You don't have to be like others; being different is contagious. But always, always hold your head up high. 

With love,

Frida

Removing the Blocks to Love (Dedicated to Frida Kahlo)-by Devi Nina Bingham

Some individuals will never love you, yet your romantic feelings may persist. What can you do if your heart is shattered yet refuses to stop loving? This is something to celebrate! Loving is never an issue. How could it be when love is the most valuable diamond and prize? Therefore, continue to love. Don't let someone else's lack of love cause you to become loveless. What is the harm in keeping your heart open and allowing love to pass through? Love, like pure water, purifies the heart. If love continues, consider yourself fortunate. For when a heart abandons love, it dries up and loses its effervescence. The brightness in the eyes fades as the loveless struggle through life. But the one carrying love will always have a spring in their stride and a glint in their eye.

The trouble is in not receiving love back. Then you have a profound sensation of rejection and inadequacy. However, this notion is flawed. Another person's deficiency will never be about you, it is always about them and in no way reflects on you. You feel you are not good enough, but you deserve to be loved just for who you are. Not because of your riches, talent, appearance, or intellectual ability. You are as deserving of love as anyone because you are a part of God who is all truth, beauty, and perfection.

We have been told to love ourselves. However, we, more than anyone else, are aware of our shortcomings and failures, which we hold against ourselves, believing that we are unlovable. To fully embrace yourself might seem unattainable. However, the fact is that you are the only one capable of loving yourself properly. Nobody else knows how you should be loved. Some may have attempted to love you perfectly, while others may have learnt how to please you. However, no one understands your needs better than you do. Identify the characteristics that distinguish you and hence make you distinctive. Do not be proud of outer appearances, for they will fade with time and your body will betray you. Instead, cherish the aspects of yourself that you enjoy, such as your personality, attitude, talents, and abilities. 

If someone rejects your affection, remember what makes you unique, what you admire most about yourself. If you have never considered it, jot down all of your positive characteristics. You will discover that there is a lot to like. Then say to yourself, "I am loveable in so many ways, not because others love me, but because I have given so much and have so much more to give. Whoever does not see this is missing out on something good." Then repeat this until you believe it.  When you keep love in your heart, even for yourself, it will never run dry. Do not prevent yourself from carrying love. Carry it till the day you die for it will never hurt you. What hurts you is self-condemnation.

I understand how hard it is to love when you do not receive love in return. However, there is no way to repair the harm to another person's heart. The only heart you can repair is your own. So, take excellent care of yourself and offer yourself the praise you never received. Consider what distinguishes you and be grateful for the gifts you have. Rather than hardening your heart, love the people who are unable to love you, feeling sadness for their inability to love profoundly. Continue to love even when it is no longer reasonable to do so. If you maintain this loving attitude, I am confident that you will grow and develop far beyond the person who refuses to love.

What is love? Is it elusive like the butterfly, never staying in one place for long, flying away at will? Or is it heavy shackles tying down a guy when all he wants is freedom? Is it a positive force, or is it constraining and confining, making it impossible for anybody, man or woman, to bear? Is it both, as lovely as the butterfly in its charmed initial hours, but later changing character, becoming a prison, difficult to escape? I say, love is none of these things. So, what is true love?

Love is who you are. And you must labor throughout your life to remove the barriers to love. You may wonder how it is possible to "become love" in such a brutal environment, for who can keep a kind attitude? Other than superhuman avatars like Christ, who were walking examples of love, who among us is totally loving? Perhaps a saint, like St. Francis of Assisi, who cared for animals and even prisoners as if they were his own soul. Humans, however, are not saints; they are buffeted by the winds of change and lashed by human brutality.

You do not have to be a flawless saint free of earthly problems. You are a feeling and thinking creature who will change as the weather does. You'll rise and fall like a ship on the ocean's waves until only the bodily craving for sex will remain. And that need will be purchased and sold like a commodity, to sell items, enticing you like a fish to a hook. And you will be addicted, since sex is the most tangible manifestation of love, although a false one. 

Could you define God if I asked you to? You might say, "God is love." You would be accurate, because God's nature is love. But God also created sharks, alligators, and asps. God's nature is likewise terrible, devouring with wrath, is it not? To claim that God is only as lovely and gentle as a lamb ignores the fact that God created the terrible beasts that would eat the lamb. And you, dear human, are one of the hazardous creatures! So, how does a dangerous animal like yourself develop genuine love in a world full of other animals? There is only one hope for mankind, only one element capable of saving your race. And in order to embody love, you must become it.

It is forgiveness, for without it, one cannot truly love. If you do not forgive, you will become a difficult person, or perhaps a predator who vents their rage onto others. However, forgiving does not imply forgetting. You must not allow damage to come to you. The problem is to embody love while safeguarding oneself. Love is a foreign thing to your thoughts, difficult to comprehend, because you are accustomed to either forgiving others and loving or guarding yourself and rejecting. Your thinking is based on a binary choice between this and that, one or the other. However, love is not divisible. It is not one of these, but both of these.

Let me provide a hypothetical case. Assume that as a youngster, a family member caused you significant harm. They made you suffer, either physically or psychologically. As a youngster, your reaction was to become angry, or to retreat from that person, both of which are natural self-preservation responses. But once the experience was over, did you continue to be furious, or did you temporarily forget about it and return to your loving kid self? 

My hunch is that you looked at the other with concern since you learned they weren't as safe as you had thought. However, you were not resentful or seeking vengeance. You may have fought back at the moment, kicking or screaming, but then it was finished. You did not ruminate on your pain. You let it go so you could regain your footing. This is because children and animals have an inclination to forget whatever bothers them. This is why a dog may be abused while yet loving its owner. Dogs will cower yet still approach, trying to avoid being whacked again. 

I'm not saying submit to abuse! Never. But I am making a point: if you want to comprehend true love, look at the innocent, trusting character of children and animals. For love will protect itself, but after the threat has passed, it will resume its wonderful relationship with the world. Isn't that true? Children and animals do not remember the suffering they have experienced, which is characteristic of love. Love is a lack of malice. It is the absence of retribution. It is a lack of bitterness. It has a simple, trusting faith. 

I'm suggesting that to love is to keep yourself safe, while allowing God to manage the consequences. Revenge is the closest thing to hatred, which is the reverse of God. If you want to remove the barriers to love, abandon ambitions for vengeance. Let go of attempting to control situations and people to your advantage. Scrub your soul of any bitterness that has infiltrated it. Recognize that what happened to you is over, and if you dwell on it, how can you be carefree again? 

Be like your childhood self who knew instinctively that it was not your responsibility to punish that person. It is critical to understand that forgiveness entails refusing to seek revenge. It does not mean you will forget, but you will not identify with the pain. You don't let it get you down. You've stopped thinking about it. What's done is done. Yesterday's events are now history. Yes, it may have a significant impact on you; I am not denying this. It could have an impact on your daily life. Every day, veterans are affected when they return home injured. But if they see the world as the enemy, if they carry the bitterness with them, they are truly handicapped. To love is to let go and to let God.

You may not have realized that harboring hatred in your heart was so horrible, because everyone dislikes something or someone. But hatred is neither healthy nor useful. It only limits your potential. Hatred is ugly because it is the reverse of love. Make up your mind to discover beauty in life, even if it means creating it. Make your own patch of bliss, as I did, so you can live again. Art is a great method to express your sorrow, grief, and losses. Purge the darkness and restore light and vitality. Burn away your anger by expressing it creatively, rather than taking it out on others. 

When you refuse to pursue vengeance, you free others and become a better person. The cosmos has a way of dealing with people who do evil. They cannot evade the great reach of justice. You may not be present to see it, but nothing escapes the gaze of justice fixed on the planet and its inhabitants. The global rules of fairness and balance are constantly in operation, so those individuals will receive what they have given. It is among the most definite moral laws. And it can and will teach them what they need to know in far more depth. 

You don't have to be the cosmic sheriff; God is. Your only task is to let go and trust. Then, like a kid, forget about yesterday. Your days should be bright. They may not be easy, since life is full of difficulties and challenge. But your heart should be youthful, and carefree. When disease, death, breakups, and disasters appear unexpectedly, it can feel horribly unjust. It may be difficult or impossible to perceive God's concern for you. As I did, you may feel forgotten or betrayed by God. And when the light has left your eyes, there is no reason to pretend you are not crying inside. Everyone has experienced how cruel life can be, and if they haven't, they surely will. 

Despite all this, if you will simply give it all to God, trusting as a child does, and if you will stop looking back and start look forward, tomorrow will look brighter. Develop a willingness to be creative, leave the punishment to God, and create your own beauty. Then the delight you experienced as a youngster will return.

With love,

Frida