A lot of people, I would venture to say most people, content themselves with what has always been. They "settle," because if you don't risk much, you don't lose much, and they don't want to risk loss; failure would be too much to bear. They worry: what will my family think if I'm living life starkly different than the way my predecessors lived? What if I try something new and fall flat on my face, and somebody sees? What if someone knocks my dream out of my hands, because after all, the world can be a hard, cruel place? The "what ifs" in life snatch the passion for living right out of our hands and scratch out our potential before we even get started. Yet, it is this hope for a better tomorrow that is keeping you from becoming like everyone else: a walking zombie.
When I use the word "successful," I don't mean monetary prosperity, because to me, that's not the true measure of success. You might be surprised to hear this, but most people don't measure their success by their net worth. Most people are more concerned with less tangible things, like achieving inner peace, or being altruistic, or living a free and expressive lifestyle. No, for most people, success goes deeper than the dollar. For most people, success is living your dream, and successful people have 4 traits that set them apart:
1. Successful people see into the invisible
2. Successful people think positive
3. Successful people refuse to quit
4. Successful people listen to their inner voice.
When was the last time you slowed down long enough to reflect on how well you're doing in the "living your dream" category? When was the last time you really sat back and dreamed big? I am talking about looking into the invisible; that magical dimension of imagination swirling all around you? The one you're breathing in and exhaling out right now. When was the last time you were keenly aware of the field of all possibility-that which you unknowingly swim in every minute of every day? Maybe you're a dreamer who never puts legs on those visions of grandeur. While we are immersed in a boundless universe of endless possibility, it's a world we don't dabble in because we cannot see, touch or hear it (well, some psychics can). But the average Jane will walk through her unremarkable day completely oblivious to the power she has to attempt something remarkable. Why are we so out of touch? Because the average person can only see what it is already there. Successful people live by this axiom: What is not there is more important than what is there.
A lot has been said to promote positive thinking in the last two centuries thanks to early meta-physicians like Norman Vincent Peale (The Power of Positive Thinking), and New-Age gurus like Tony Robbins and Oprah, who have sung the praise of positivism. And while most people will tell you they are a positive person, in truth, I find that most people aren't. You may be thinking: "Isn't that a little harsh?" Let's face it: we live in a stressful, crazy world where it's easy to get mired in discouragement. It happens unconsciously, and it happens fast. Negativity is a slippery slope: just one run-in with a co-worker, or a snide comment from our mate is all it takes to send us sliding down hill. Sometimes we are the ones giving others a shove in the wrong direction. Unwittingly we shovel pessimism onto someone and watch as they go sliding down the negativity shoot. While we say we aren't negative, we are more negative than we're aware of. Research shows that the thoughts you had today are mostly a repeat of the thoughts you had yesterday, and the majority of those thoughts are negative! Successful people are not immune to negativity-they give and receive it as much as the next person, except when it comes to their dreams. When successful people are focused on a goal, they don't allow themselves the luxury of thinking or speaking negatively about it. They also refuse to entertain other people's negative comments, because they could erode the precious palace of success they are building in their minds. Words have a powerful effect: they can build, or they can destroy. Successful people understand and respect the power of words. Words can build our confidence, or they can sow seeds of doubt and insecurity. Successful people shelter their dreams from negativity.
Earning my academic degrees helped me to fully appreciate the power of persistence. I saw in college that it wasn't the smartest student that earned the doctorate degree, but the most determined. Likewise, I discovered in the workplace that it's not the most capable employee that will be promoted to supervisor, but the one determined to do what it takes to win that coveted spot. I discovered as a counselor that it was the client who pushed through the pain and kept showing up who got the breakthroughs they came to therapy for. In all areas of life: academic, professional and personal, those who refuse to give up invariably rise to the top. When you dismantle it, persistence is the willingness to fight through opposition, and it will give you the eye of the tiger.
When I was a financially struggling college student and a single mom, there was a time when finances were impossibly tight, and I thought about quitting school almost daily. I remember facing a discouraging grade after pulling an all-nighter of cramming and being ready to give up. I also recall when towers of research papers were stacked atop my already intimidating work schedule. Many times, I was tempted to throw in the towel and end the self-torture. What kept me studying was a dream: the thought of walking across the stage with my family cheering me on, being the first in my family to earn a degree. Beginning with the end in mind kept my head in the game and enabled me to overcome adversity. A stubborn refusal to quit is the third prerequisite for success.
Learning to trust yourself is the most important thing you will ever do. I realize that's a big statement, but what could be more important than trusting oneself? In the sum of it, what you have is yourself, and to think otherwise is to pretend that someone else knows what is right for you. Your truest voice speaks not in your head, but in your heart. Learning to trust yourself also means being willing to forgive yourself when you make mistakes, because forgiving yourself helps you be more forgiving of others. Successful people trust their ability to overcome slip-ups and failures because they've seen that life always offers a second chance. Successful people trust their inner voice because they've seen it's not a voice to ignore. It's leading you down a path that's suited to your calling in life, and in harmony with your purpose. Your inner voice instinctively knows what's right, urging: "Yes-do this!" It may not make total sense, but when it's right, there's no hesitation or deliberation-you just do it because you've learned that you can trust your inner compass, which is the fourth prerequisite of success. Being a more successful person means trusting yourself.
The Voice by Shel Silverstein
"There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you--just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.”
Learning to trust yourself is the most important thing you will ever do. I realize that's a big statement, but what could be more important than trusting oneself? In the sum of it, what you have is yourself, and to think otherwise is to pretend that someone else knows what is right for you. Your truest voice speaks not in your head, but in your heart. Learning to trust yourself also means being willing to forgive yourself when you make mistakes, because forgiving yourself helps you be more forgiving of others. Successful people trust their ability to overcome slip-ups and failures because they've seen that life always offers a second chance. Successful people trust their inner voice because they've seen it's not a voice to ignore. It's leading you down a path that's suited to your calling in life, and in harmony with your purpose. Your inner voice instinctively knows what's right, urging: "Yes-do this!" It may not make total sense, but when it's right, there's no hesitation or deliberation-you just do it because you've learned that you can trust your inner compass, which is the fourth prerequisite of success. Being a more successful person means trusting yourself.
The Voice by Shel Silverstein
"There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
"I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong."
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you--just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.”
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