Expressing Your Authentic Voice: How Phony Roles Prevent Us From Experiencing Vitality

All The World's A Stage
When there is a lack of freedom to express ourselves authentically, a rigidity and inflexibility of response takes place. This is sometimes seen clearly in elderly people whose personalities have conformed to a prescripted "role" in life, and as a result, their responses are unconsciously "rote." They have a witty "quip" for every comment made, but it doesn't come from the heart. Instead, the robotic-like mechanism speaks for them. They are no longer required to think for themselves, nor are they required to feel deeply. Afraid they might love too much and get hurt, they have withdrawn into a protective shell; a highly automated, predictable role, and asking them to genuinely experience life (to display openness)  is terrifying. Roles are the opposite of vulnerability. Roles are the antithesis of authenticity. They are the substitute for the real thing: love. These people are "play-acting." They are not living their lives; they are playing a given role in life. Life has become a highly scripted stage, where they are the director and nobody gets hurt.

The Show's Just Begun
When we play roles, we are doing it unconsciously. It is difficult to be self-aware when we are playing them; it can take an observer (such as a counselor, partner or friend) to point out when we are play-acting again. When we play phony roles, it feels "natural," and doesn't feel "phony," or "put on." When our roles begin to "replace" our genuine responses, our authentic selves, our true voice, then we have true psychopathology: neurosis. A neurosis is defined as a dysfunction of the personality. A neurosis is an inflexible character. People who are "stuck" in the role cannot "move about freely." The role has come to define them, and in a sense, it has "replaced" parts of their original personality, their authentic self, who they are innately. What is left is a rigid character role they play for the world. It is an eery experience to try to make genuine contact with a "real person" and get instead a "programmed response."

Top Dog and Underdog
In Gestalt Therapy, the two facets of personality seen most often are referred to as the Top Dog and the Underdog. Dr. Fritz (Frederick) Perls, the creator of Gestalt Therapy, described these trouble-makers as, "The two fighting clowns," because we can dialectically "play" both roles at different times and they both vie for control of the personality. The Top Dog role can be described as: superior, judgmental, demanding, perfectionist, and mostly, righteous, or having to be right. It's the part of the human personality which insists his view is the right view, his religion is the only religion, and his politics are the best. The second role we can play is the Underdog, who apologizes for her existence, second-guesses her decisions, feels insecure, tries hard to be polite and say the right thing, puts others needs ahead of her own, and tries desperately to meet others expectations of her. Dr. Perls often worked with these two polarized (opposite) expressions of the fragile Ego when facilitating therapy.

Examples of the Top Dog role would be the supervisor who treats employees as if they are his possessions, with disrespect or unfairness, instead of leading by example. He might lead with his head and seldom his heart, and as he commandeers the role of Top Dog, he forgets his humanity while playing the "important supervisor," too busy to notice his employee's struggles. The Underdog might work for the Top Dog, and being acutely aware of her mortality, she apologizes for it. She is hyper-critical of herself, while excusing the behavior of others. She is ultra-polite, self-abasing and subservient. Her behavior expresses, "You are more important than I." Examples of the Underdog role are seen in the "seen and not heard" demeanor of the maid who "cleans up" after other people's messes (mothers, wives and minorities favor this role). Playing Top Dog or Underdog creates a psychopathological problem: we are not free to be ourselves. We are busy playing a phony role, "living up" to someone elses expectation of us. The Top Dog supervisor wants to be a skilled leader, but doesn't know how, so he resorts to a phony authoritarian role in discharging his duties. He "lives up" to his idea of what a boss "should be." Because of his pretending, he denies his potential to learn to be a real leader. He substitutes a "dummy role" for the real thing, with which he falsely bolsters his fragile sense of Ego. This substituting what is not real for what is real is to cheat himself out of  the opportunity to learn and grow. It is to cheat those around him as well. The Underdog has been conditioned by her environment (family and culture) to, as the song says, "Take what is given ('cause I'm working for a livin"...)." She has been taught not to hope or ask for more. She has been conditioned to show gratitude, and not to question authority, so she "keeps her head down" and tries not to make trouble. The trouble with playing this phony role is that she denies herself the freedom of expression. While the Top Dog over-expresses his demands and wants, Underdog under-expresses. She keeps her thoughts to herself. In playing the silent observer, the submissive, her potential is diminished. Ever so slowly, like the tide that sneaks the sand from the shore, her potential and vitality are washed out to sea.

The Three Virtues of the Authentic Voice
 Lao Tzu said, "At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." If this is true, if we know what we want, why can just being ourselves prove to be so challenging?
Becoming an authentic and free person is not as easy as it may sound. It requires three virtues: Openness, Teachability, and Honesty.

Openness is the ability to consider alternatives. It is the opposite of having to be right. There is a flexibility inherent in openness; I must be willing to change my position and consider others opinions or alternatives.

Teachability is the quality of eagerness to learn. To learn is to discover that something is possible (Perls). To learn is to explore, and the willingness to question our assumptions and try alternative methods.

Honesty is the undisturbed self. It is the essence of who we are; at the core of everyone is the unmolested self. This self is the self that  Lao Tzu spoke of: this self knows the truth about us. This self knows what it wants, knows what it should be doing, and knows its thoughts and desires. Of the three authentic virtues, honesty is the one which is most important to cultivate, and here is why: Without acknowledgement and expression of the undisturbed self, we have no inner compass by which to guide our lives. If we remain inhibited by denying our thoughts and desires, we will become a slave; institutionalized. We will conform and constrict our expressions to please the institutions of religion, government, society...sometimes even a partner becomes that institution.

Vitalness and Your Authentic Voice
When we stop thinking for ourselves, we stop dreaming...a moratorium is placed upon our vitalness...we are diminished. Though a certain amount of law-abiding is appropriate and necessary to live in society, to give up one's birth-right to self-expression helps no one. There has never been another person exactly like you, nor will there be. When we consider this truism, we see clearly that each person has a responsibility to contribute in their own way that which is uniquely theirs to contribute. To say only that which has already been said is an echo, and not a voice.

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The Impasse: Why People Go To Therapy by Nina Bingham

Why does someone go to therapy? It is because the person needs to solve a problem. She is at a "stuck point," where her own resources are insufficient. She comes to learn; to discover for herself what is possible. To solve her problems, she acquires new skills. To learn is to mature, but until she solves her problem, she is in the uncomfortable, frustrating and immobilizing state called, "The Impasse" (Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim). People present in therapy at the point of Impasse. Their problems have become so painful, uncomfortable or inconvenient, so costly that they cannot be ignored anymore. "The Impasse is the crucial point in therapy, the crucial point in growth...it is what compels growth, and yet, the client has no grasp on how to do this" (Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim, p. 28, 29). Devoid of answers, the client looks to the therapist for support in her growth process. The therapist is the change-agent. But why does change occur- because the therapist is skillful, or because the client is cooperative, eager to learn and grow?

What The Client Doesn't Know

What the client doesn't know when she presents her case to the therapist is that, "...the aim of therapy is to make the patient not depend upon others, but to make the patient discover from the very first moment that he can do many things, much more than he thinks he can do" (Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim, p. 29). What the client doesn't know is that ultimately, she will solve her own problems. Her life must be increasingly self-directed and self-determined, or else the therapist acts as a dictator, deciding for the client what is best.


All Problems Are Maturation Problems

This "artificially-induced" maturing environment of the therapy room is a strange phenomenon indeed. If a personality were allowed to develop naturally and without social hindrances or undue stress, and with familial and cultural support which is the birth right of every soul, there would be no need of an artificial maturing processes. The organism's maturation process would occur as it was intended, exponentially healthful, resulting in physiological maturation. However, we don't live in a vacuum. We live in a highly stressful, non-naturalistic society which is producing neurosis and psychological distress, where mental illnesses such as: anxiety, depression and addictions are commonplace. Since we are "hard pressed"  on every side, psychotherapy is a valid answer to our modern problems of development. 

How Frustrating

Life itself  is a maturation process. However, Impasse can occur; that "stuck-point" where we find we've become immobilized. We cannot move forward, nor can we go back. We can neither fight nor flight, we are "frozen." To grow, we must learn. To learn, we must become frustrated with our own attempts, and be willing to try a different approach. This openness to learning is the key which unlocks our growth, our maturation, our success. Learning and growth are synonymous. We cannot grow unless we are open to learning.

Do clients present at therapy always open and eager to learn? The best-intentioned client has her unconscious psychological defense mechanisms (Freud) at work; these defenses psychology refers to as resistances. When working with resistances, they must be challenged: "Without frustration there is no need, no reason to mobilize your resources, to discover that you might be able to do something on her own, and in order to not be frustrated, which is a pretty painful experience, the child learns to manipulate the environment" (Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim, p. 32). Let's be clear-therapists do not want to unintentionally be the source of frustration for a client. However, the therapist must intentionally frustrate the client's attempts to sabotage herself or the therapeutic relationship. When the client produces defenses or fabrications of the truth, challenging the client to re-think their statements or position is therapeutic. To placate the client is to be no resource at all for learning. It is like the school teacher who looks the other way when a child cannot read, and gives him a passing grade anyway. This teacher is doing that child a disservice. Similarly, by ignoring the client's distortions of the truth, the therapist is not a teacher anymore, but has resorted to being a paid listener. "Instead of mobilizing his own resources, he (the patient) creates dependencies. He invests his energy in manipulating the environment for support" (Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim, p. 32). An adept therapist will neither allow a dependent relationship to develop with the client, nor will they be manipulated.


Beyond The Impasse

Once the client has realized she has inner strength and resources, and can depend upon herself, she will shift from an external locus of control to an internal. She will need the therapist's guidance less and less. She will find her internal compass again, and the performing behaviors to please others will cease. She will be "marching to the beat of her own drum." This process of shifting the locus of control is the therapy. The goal of therapy is maturation, the reliance upon one's inner resources instead of environmental support (Perls, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim). Therapists should be working themselves out of a job! Initially though, every client will present at the therapist in a state of Impasse. What seemed "impossible" at the first session is later transformed into possible, when the client becomes aware of their attempts to manipulate, sabotage, control and blame themselves and others. When the smokescreen of their defenses have vanished, the visual field clears, and they have "eyes" to see the problem from a new, expanded perspective. She can then mobilize new found inner strength and resources, and what seemed at first glance to be the immovable problem has become a steppingstone to a healthier, more fulfilling and successful life. The Impasse has receded, and in the foreground is a new vista, ripe with possibility. The Impasse has become a gateway, the passage into a new level of responsibility. The client is freely able to respond in a healthy way to the demands of her environment, and able to respond to her inner unique directives. She has "unlocked" herself and as a result, feels more capable and confident than ever before. This is why people come to therapy.



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A Revision of Gestalt Therapy: Bringing Gestalt Therapy Into The 21st Century by Nina Bingham

The therapeutic concepts I present here are not new; they are a snapshot of Fritz Perl’s’ Gestalt Therapy. However, the revisions I propose here are original, and are the revisions I make as I apply Perl’s’ Gestalt theories to modern psychotherapeutic practice. Dr. Frederick S. Perl’s’ Gestalt Therapy is an Expressional Therapy to treat mental illness, as opposed to the popular Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy taught in universities today. Though Gestalt has fallen out of favor in counseling education, I find it still has great merit, for it can be amended to suit the individual client’s temperament, as well as to the temperament of the therapist who presents it. This is my attempt at that revision process.

Working with Resistances

Perls advised when there are resistances (avoidances or phobias) in the patient, to go further into them by amplifying them; by dramatizing them, giving voice to the “hidden desires,” and allowing their expression. Expression is only a hunger to be heard; we are all hungry in different ways. If the client suffers from anger, magnify the expression of anger in the safety of the therapeutic setting. This can be accomplished utilizing Perl’s’ Chair Exercise, or through psychodrama, wherein the feared object is given permission to have "its say," such as, “playing rage,” or “playing the obsessive” (smoker, eater, drug user, etc.). Perls taught that to deny expression of such powerful emotions and compulsions causes not their cessation, but it’s opposite, exacerbation; anything we resist persists. For example, during psychodrama the compulsive over-eater could be encouraged to finish the sentence, “I eat because…” until she has exhausted her verbal arsenal. This serves the purpose of giving the compulsion an audience. To answer questions “in character” and automatically, without censoring, is to stop suppression and encourage expression. Expression is art, and Gestalt was originally a European art movement which later Perls transformed into a psychotherapeutic movement. 
I believe Gestalt done right is art. Today, however, Gestalt Therapy has been reduced to techniques, a therapy which has been downsized, reduced to its simplest form, a development which Perls would have likely found distasteful. What remains of Gestalt Therapy are the dismantled pieces of his originally holistic theory. Gestalt Therapy is an incomplete Gestalt now, which is an oxymoron; it’s what Perls preached against. Perls conceived of the world in systems, as he was first trained as a medical physician. His methodology was to work to restore the equilibrium of the organism, not in part, but in the whole. He didn’t advise “piece-mealing” his theory, nor “soft-peddling” it. I believe Perls would be disappointed but not surprised that his contributions to psychology have been confined to what he might have described as, “a dog and pony show.”  

Expressional Therapy

Perl’s’ vision was an Expressional Therapy, a highly interactive process which is an exchange between clinician and client, at times evoking emotional upheaval in the patient. His methods were not a cup of tea, or a walk in the park with the therapist; instead, his methods were a stiff shot of whiskey and a confrontation with supressed inner pain. For some, giving expression to the forbidden self, the subjugated, guilt-ridden, better-left-hidden self, is disquieting, distasteful and embarrassing. Shame is encountered, pain is unearthed, and old beliefs which are nasty, negative and shocking to the client come bubbling to the surface. However, in the aftermath of exploration and catharsis of suppressed feelings and repressed memories, a restoration of the true, unhindered self occurred in Perl’s’ patients. The truth was bubbling to the surface at last, both in his patients, and as proof that his techniques worked. Gestalt at its finest is an excavation of the soul; unearthing emotions and memories buried in the forgotten field of the unconscious; perhaps filed away in Jung’s Collective Unconscious. It is a retrieval method of touching upon what has been carefully buried, to see it afresh, for what it really is, and then to reset the broken bone. It is a reflective, benevolent act, in hopes that the suppressed traumata can be used to heal. This is the Gestalt Therapy that Perls envisioned and applied; the integration of the disowned parts of the personality, so the neurotic is freed of his rigid, relentless compulsions and fear of loving too much.

Non-Verbal Communication

I offer here a simple revision of some core Gestalt techniques, a therapeutic approach which I would rather call Expression Therapy, as Gestalt has left a bitter taste in some psychological historian's mouths. The first revision I would propose is Perl’s’ emphasis on the physiological resistances presented during therapy. Interpreting and analyzing non-verbal communication has some merit in the patient who squirms or smiles to cover up, or scratches nervously, for it gives the therapist non-verbal clues with which to draw out unspoken feelings. The client is physiologically compensating for the mental discomfort she naturally experiences while in the “hot seat” of the therapist’s chair. To allow this natural discharge of pent-up anxiety is beneficial to the client. Interpreting the body’s movement as therapeutically significant is important collateral information for the therapist, but I believe not crucial. To make it a focal point and draw attention to the client’s body language has slight therapeutic merit, but to dwell on it is to cause the patient to feel scrutinized and self-conscious, even more defensive than she already is. I believe non-verbal communication is a secret language for the therapist to read, as an indication of the patient’s comfort level, or discomfort. To ask one body part (such as a hand) to “talk” to another body part (the other hand) about its nervous movements may be interesting for the therapist, but you run the risk of the patient feeling intruded-upon or scrutinized. I believe non-verbal communication should not be a focal point in therapy. Rather, it should be used as an adjunct to therapeutic interpretation.

Bear Trappers

Perls addressed how to manage difficult clients in therapy; these he referred to as “Bear Trappers.” He refused to work with these patients unless they readily followed directions by cooperating. As Perls described, they “play along” cooperatively until you touch upon a resistance point, at which time they become triggered and then “lower the boom,” or try and trap you, blaming and reproachful towards the therapist. All they can seem to do is to argue, to prove themselves right one more time. Perls would describe these clients as having “no ears,” as they are not open to hearing the truth. I find these argumentative personalities to be the paranoiac characters, or those with Paranoid Personality Disorder. Initially they present as charming, but easily revert to the “Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde” which they really are, when they don’t wish to cooperate. The paranoid personality also is, as Freud said about the Narcissist, “His Majesty the Baby.” Like the Narcissist, the paranoiac refuses to mature. He throws fits, demanding it be his way, or he will regress to manipulations and “out-smarting” the therapist in a show of egos to prove his superiority. The well-intending therapist then gets caught in a frustrating game of cat and mouse, and the therapist begins to feel “trapped.” This game shifts the focus from the problems of the paranoiac to the supposed “ineptness” or “wrong conclusions” of the therapist, which is a diversionary tactic on the part of the paranoiac client, leading to high frustration for both client and clinician. This is why Perls refused to engage with unyielding defenses, and “threw them out” of the “hot seat” during group workshops.

Although I can sympathize with Perl’s’ frustration in treating Personality Disordered clients who are unrelentingly resistive or argumentative, to refuse to accept them into treatment is to offer these types little hope for recovery. I agree there are clients who present in counseling with the intent of proving the therapist wrong or inept so they can be vindicated in their own minds that nothing is wrong with them in the first place (as they have insisted all along). These difficult cases require firm but gentle approaches which provide direct feedback from the therapist, for to “stroke their ego” is what they are greedy for, but will help them. There should be a balance between dismissing them from the practice, and being a “whipping boy” for them. The personality disordered person has no eyes. They have dysmorphia, a distorted self-image, or a scotoma; a blind spot, in which they cannot see themselves as others do. Either way, their self-image is distorted. They can neither see themselves as they are, nor do they see the environment as it is. Their sense of reality is warped. Rather than “prove” once again to the paranoiac that they are indeed an “outsider” by throwing them out of the practice and thus confirm their projections, our mission should be to help them develop eyes. It does not matter what I see before me; what matters is what they see in themselves. Personality problems are self-image problems. This laborious process of revealing the truth to the patient requires extraordinary amounts of patience. Like a blind person, you are asking them to see what they have not yet developed the eyes to see. They are at first “groping in the dark,” which causes them frustration resulting in anger, which is displaced upon the world (and directed at the therapist). Working with seriously personality disordered patients is a labor of love; it has to be. If you cannot feel any empathy for their lost-ness, their feelings of betrayal or being the object of persecution (all the while persecuting you), it is better that you do not work with them, for it will require empathy, strong boundaries and patience. To dismiss all “Bear Trappers” from therapy is, I believe, an inability of the therapist, and not conducive to progress for the client. However, to set expectations (boundaries) for the client (in the case of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, creator Dr. Marsha Linnehan explains to Borderline Personality Disordered patients that they will be dismissed if they miss a certain number of appointments), is healthy and equitable for all. Boundaries are difficult to understand for personality disordered patients, so by making your clinical expectations clear at the outset is important for a productive working relationship. Paranoiacs want to blame, displace their anger and play the victim role. Clear boundaries allow you to remind them when they have stepped outside of the agreed-upon boundaries (remember, they don’t have eyes for themselves). Ignoring their misbehavior or attacks on you will not help them; it will condone and perpetuate those inflammatory behaviors. The “middle-ground” with difficult clients is to make boundary agreements with them at the first acting-out behaviors, and to reinforce those agreements when they reoccur. In this way, through repetition, they learn to self-monitor, or to have eyes, and become increasingly self-aware of their “trapping” tendencies.

Bringing Gestalt Therapy into the 21^st Century

The last point I will elaborate on regards the use of Gestalt Therapy into the 21^st Century, and revising it so that it is more user-friendly for the modern practitioner. We must see Gestalt Therapy in the historical context in which it was developed. Dr. Perls was a German-born psychiatrist who fled Nazi Germany for South Africa, where another cultural upheaval was occurring. He came to prominence in America in the 1960’s when there was an anti-establishment, civil war raging: students were revolting, the sexual revolution was happening, drugs were rampant, and young adults were demanding change. The slogan of the day was, “Turn on and tune out.” Perls was listening to this outcry from America’s youth for genuineness, creativity and most importantly, self-expression. Gestalt Therapy, an expressional therapy, was Perl’s answer. His oft repeated phrase, “Loose your mind and come to your senses” was his way of saying, stop justifying, explaining and intellectualizing, and instead, experience yourself. In other words, let’s get real. Fritz was about as direct and honest about his opinions as Dr. Laura Schlesinger! 

While American culture has changed from a volitile revolution state to the information age, certain human needs remain remarkably stable. Gestalt Therapy can still answer those fundamental psychological human needs. An adept Gestalt Therapist will use the therapeutic tools Perls left behind, to excavate the human psyche, but must adapt them to their own personality, presentation and delivery style. Perls was an irascible character; a strong, determined, stubborn and sometimes inflexible product of three wars. He could not suffer “crybabies” who demanded patience, restraint or large dishes of empathy. He voiced his enthusiasm to work with students who were “open systems” only. To the “closed systems” he asked that they only return if they would work cooperatively with him.

For today’s therapist, an update of the heavy-handed Gestalt approach is in order. A healthy dose of humanistic, Rogerian “unconditional positive regard” can temper the Gestalt approach, making it palpable for today’s clients, making it the “spice” in the therapeutic “mix.” Cognitive-behavioral therapy is the mainstay of universities because it appeals to a wide swatch of clients, is generally non-offensive, and has been empirically effective over time. My fervent hope is that the field of psychotherapeutics will not completely “bury” Gestalt Therapy because its creator was considered difficult to work with. Freud was a highly inflexible and neurotic character; however, we are indebted to him as the father of modern psychology, as he contributed more good than not to the field. We mustn’t “throw the baby out with the bathwater" with Gestalt Therapy. I believe Perls contributed a theory and approach to psychotherapeutics that not only has merit, but can and should be re-evaluated for today’s clients. 

We live in a world where intellect and information is prized, and awareness of our feelings, sensibilities and sensitivities have been dulled. In Anti-Social Personalities, responsibility has been extinguished all together. There is a need, a great need, to again, “Loose our minds and come to our senses.” Perls preached of sensory integration, which means being in such organismic balance that we are able to fully experience instead of intellectualizing our environment. To intellectualize is not to feel. To not feel is to deny our senses (both inner and outer). His philosophy of using our raw experience of the “now” moment is a popular New-Age theme; in this, Perls was ahead of his time in promoting that phenomenological, present-oriented approach. Perls knew something about today because his yesterdays were a nightmare. He found solace in discovering the present moment. He found a generation who were demanding change and new approaches, so he decried retrospective theories (Freud’s psychoanalysis), while also denouncing future-oriented theories (Adler). He made a gift of what was left: taking full responsibility for our behavior in the present, resulting in a phenomenological and existential theory. Thus, he interpreted flight into the past or future as resistance.

For multiple reasons, Expressional Psychotherapy is a valid means of reacquainting our technologically-focused world with their actual experience of living. If we are freed to express our true thoughts and feelings instead of searching endlessly for the causes of traumata (as is the case in psychoanalysis), and if we can develop ears and eyes (self-awareness) enough to see our patterns of dysfunction, then we stand a chance of transformational change. Perls never said the process of therapy would be easy. He began his seminal work, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim,” with these ominous words:

             

“To suffer one’s death and to be reborn is not easy.”

I hope to see a resurgence of Gestalt’s expressional therapy. For it to be “reborn again” may take some reconstruction work, but I believe it’s worth it.

        

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