How It Ends: The Prophecies of Saint Michael the Archangel by Devi Nina Bingham

 

                How It Ends

The Prophecies of Saint Michael the Archangel

Copyright

How It Ends: The Prophecies of Saint Michael the Archangel, 2025 by Puerto Penasco Publishing. All rights reserved.

Author retains the right to reprint. Permission to reprint must be obtained by the author who owns the copyright.

Distributed in the United States of America.

Cover Design: Devi Nina Bingham

Essays at Twilight-Free Poetry by Devi Nina Bingham

Forward from the Author

As children, we instinctively recognized our flaws. This was before the superhuman complex set in. We knew our friends were flawed. But we had decided to love it all. Before we complicated life, making it unnecessarily burdensome and perfectionistic, a day was lived one moment at a time, and we did not look so closely, which is why time seemed to stretch on forever. Imagination constructed our reality, and we were awed by nature's secrets. We allowed ourselves to be lost so we could be found and tossed so we could laugh. We still risked and reached, stumbled, and easily forgave. We became pirates who braved the sea on our bikes and scouts who moved through the brush easily using our machete hands. Like Sherlock Holmes, we sought out friends who were hiding. We lived in solitary, unmarred worlds. Our bubble would touch another kid's bubble and pop for a second, then the delicate membrane would close around us as it was supposed to so we could move unmarred, our innocence preserved.

When the bubble that was meant to safely enclose us was broken, we no longer could feel ourselves, for we were made to carry adult imperfections that burdened us with sorrow. How can trauma not fundamentally change us? But family and society insist that we not be changed, that we be happy! Only because they do not want to remember when their bubble burst and the disenchantment it brought. As adulthood set in, we could see through the grown-up mask of comedy and tragedy: adults who were no more than bubble-breakers and troublemakers, who bowed like unbending mannequins, refusing to reveal the severity of their inner devastation.

I have spent lifetimes looking for the superhuman in myself and in others and have concluded that there is only one way to apprehend beauty, and that is to find it in ourselves or in nature. The trees, the flowers, the thunder, and the rainbow simply are, letting the seasons flow and ebb away. Yet, the tree never stops doing its thing: growing tall, blooming, and bearing fruit. A simple recipe for living. It is like the adage, "Stop and smell the roses." The apple has always hung like a gift from the same ragged tree. It is our decision to open our eyes and see it. That is all. We don’t have to grow trees, or buds, or apples. We only need to appreciate the beauty that is there in ourselves and in the natural world. As a mercy, in old age our childhood comes around again.

Twilight is an auspicious time. It heralds the finish of one day and the start of the next. It is the curtain falling after a play, the sunset quieting itself after a Summer scorcher. It is a time for reflection and slow moments. It is an opportunity for a cool drink in a sweaty glass or a modest splash of red wine in an orbed goblet. It is that instance, the very moment when sighs over the day’s trivialities and grunts over the day’s gravity grab a seat and let their hair down. Twilight affords us the good fortune of taking stock of our day before darkness creeps in and drags away the light. We say of seniors, “They are in their twilight years.” Having traveled our whole lifetimes in the sun, twilight is the shadow that has accompanied our every turn.

These poems attempt to describe life lived in the twilight state of elderhood, where the air is sweeter, silence is the preferred language spoken, and the world seems to move in a slow and unhurried dance, unapologetically. In twilight the final chapter comes on slowly and exits quietly. This collection reminisces like the elderly who prefer to recall not the high and mighty things accomplished in life, but common, everyday realities we share and know so well: what’s for dinner, our childhoods, and our failures. In retrospect, failures look less like shame and more like courage. Mistakes are, at the end of every story, only hard lessons we learned. Some of these poems reveal the darker shades of my life because the character of twilight has one foot firmly planted in darkness while the other foot struggles to remain in the light. These poems map twilight’s dichotomy, a representation of our shadow selves. I hope they will speak to you, revealing the beauty inherent in every mistake and the elegance of every line etched on your indomitable face.

Devi Nina Bingham

All I Didn’t Do

I try not to think of you,

for memories too close impair me.

Just a song about how you flew

or a butterfly on my knee

 

and the pain spurts like regret

for all I didn't do.

Can't forget as of yet

a hole my conscience chewed.

 

Your note said I did my part

but all I see is my refusal to

be present for your bleeding heart

too busy with my can-dos.

 

How I wish for the melody

of your voice hounding me. 

Alone

Alone in cells of isolation

experiencing a deafening silence

still we soldier on

in battle with ourselves

like cells in our bodies

of a particular duration.

 

Alone with cruel thoughts

cells contain what cannot be shared

so afraid of touching others

in a world of miscalculations

we withdraw into ourselves.

 

Inviting others to our party,

soon they have come and gone

in solidarity to preservation

cells are bleeding on.

 

Cells multiplying generate new life,

we are meant to grow.

Isolation sweeps away connection 

as we face the sun

in our morning cup

the day is done.

 

A heart, the tribal drumbeat

cells understand the dance of inclusion

alone until they meet themselves.

We have become estranged from our tribe

isolation was the sentence of the damned

living as ancient outcasts.

 

Are we living the best way

in secure and impenetrable fortresses,

isolation the unintended outcome,

cells we have made of ourselves.

We were severed from the natural way

alone for too long, we stopped reaching.

 

Alone, the defense of desperation

we took shelter in.

Cells have we made of ourselves.

Ancient Abyss

To let you go I'm moving on

will find another to welcome this kiss.

Art was the muse I threw my passion upon.

Why are you so hard to dismiss?

 

I see your smile but it's for her now.

It's high time I fixed the holes in my heart.

How easy you left when I didn't know how.

This time I'll play the vanishing part.

 

The past is gone, so face the truth.

But the memories spilled out everywhere.

We met in a time of carefree youth

seizing a torrid love affair.

 

Why are you so hard to dismiss?

I must rescue myself from this ancient abyss.

A New Frontier

Dreamt I of how the world will end,

of robotic aliens with guns.

Alone was I, without a friend,

waiting for the morning sun. 

Why didn't you come?

 

If you had been there by my side

no fear could grip my heart and soul.

My last breath would be glorious,

even if I died.

 

When Saint Michael cracks the seal

that makes our deeds vainglorious,

when it is dangerous,

will you be courageous?

 

Distance cannot part kin souls

no matter what we say or do.

In the end, we have severed wholes;

one was rent into two.

Tell me it's not true.

Time has made a fool of me

waiting for you to awaken

as the earth trembles furiously

it has left me shaken.

 

Seems my heart was gravely mistaken,

I shall watch the metallic sunset from here.

A new frontier

as I shed a tear.

 

A Thousand Years

You're tucked in my heart

far into the future that none can see,

a picture of your dear face

time frozen in joy, pain, and ecstacy;

a precious treasure chest of such tender magnitude.

Unyielding my heart's picture, it's no platitude.

 

I can't let go, though time marches on and the sun keeps rising high.

No matter what you say, I will believe in us until the day I die.

Your fine face and smile are locked in here for a thousand years.

A thousand blind hopes will bring my love as time flies.

Then be soothed, and dream of the wild time when we loved without tears.

Breathing Through Words

Without my work, what am I?

Suntan lotion and dance music,

a thick, bloody steak and a margarita devoid of meaning.

 
Words unlock a world locked in chaos.
Writing is the clean air I breathe.
Must I “get away” from that which defines me?
 
Without my art I have no explanation, no justification, no border, no definition.
I AM my art. I AM my words. I AM the thinking man on vacation.
 
I will do what I love and let others call it work

because I know it as breathing through words. 

Chemistry

Passion, where have you gone

lingering in thought

of sweet memories fond

forbidden, yet sought.

 

Will I never again taste

thrilling pleasures fine?

Tender moments gone to waste

like a soured glass of wine.

 

To distant heights

we did fly, yea, soar!

Two souls like tangled kites

never wanting for more.

 

My heart closed like a book

slammed shut by a wandering eye

and promises forsook

there's naught to do but cry.

 

Yet, once the heart has entertained

the heights of fiery seduction

no less than this will keep me sane

than your carnal instruction.

 

Chemistry is primary 

to sweep me off my feet,

all else is secondary.

You and I should turn up the heat. 

Child’s Play

We externalized our angst and fantasies and spoke not

the language of cruelty.

Blood was spilled the day we stopped playing.

Instead of cooperation and inclusion, we spoke aggression.

Instead of creation and sharing, we spoke war.

 

In old age we are children hugging the grave

as helplessness returns.

Then we will remember  

we are all the same,

and laugh easily at life and death

for birth could not stop our arrival

and death will but free us.

 

There is nothing at all to dread

for what scraped us in this dream

was not as steely as our spirits.

And the terror of life was only the evidence of child's play

missing in ourselves.

 

Consolation Will Never Be!

Lost I my sweetheart on that bitter day

roving soulless with half a heart

Devoid of romance and in decay

with a single kiss my gloom would depart.

 

Roving soulless like half a heart

consolation will never be!

With a single kiss my gloom would depart

yet love, it flees from me.

 

Consolation will never be!

Like a broken glass of many hues

yet love, it flees from me

dispassionate suitors I refuse.

 

A broken glass of many hues

I hope will be reclaimed

dispassionate suitors I refuse

while masculine company is entertained.

 

I hope to be reclaimed

though affection is no game

masculine company is entertained

rapture set aflame.

 

Though affection is no game

the rouge who will win my affection

rapture set aflame

is one who can ease my tensions.

 

The rouge who can win my affection

not the handsomest, but the clever

is one who can ease my tensions

becoming my cherished treasure.

 

Until then, consolation will never be!

Death Comes Creeping

There is a grace as age descends

twas given to men, a gift of the Gods

that death comes creeping as a friend.

 

With softest steps it condescends

with shuffling feet, it plods.

There is a grace as age descends.

 

So sneaky death though it offends

doth whisper sweet until the end

for death comes creeping as a friend.

 

And thinking you are on the mend

the vulcher swoops and caws.

There is a grace as age descends.

 

The preacher sounds the final lament

and we welcome the wormy sod.

For death comes creeping as a friend.

 

Destruction need not repent

for gently untying the knots.

There is a grace as age descends

when death comes creeping as a friend.

Do-It-Yourself

The biggest moment, and so few knew

I did this thing all by myself.

Family and friends hadn't a clue

so, I set my degree upon a shelf.

Most of my life is a do-it-yourself.

It's my own choice to live this way.

Ever since my hair turned grey

the only one I care to impress

is my dog, on a good day.

I'm a reluctant, reclusive success. 

Eclipse

In a world of sound, disturbance and noise

you walked in as on a silent, white cloud

and I went deaf at your wordless, glad poise

as you shouted over the din of the crowd.

 

From different worlds, like day and night

my sun did shine as your moon did set

I held the moon ever so tightly

afraid that I hadn’t captured it yet.

 

But the moon only shines when darkness has fallen

when it is hushed, unbound, and forever free

so you fled from me as the sun was setting

and I still rise for you, though you don’t see.

 

Our best day together

was an eclipse in the weather.

Everything Happens for a Reason

Everything happens for a reason

the blind bat finds its way

in dark, light, or any season.

 

Religious parents call it high treason

and reject the child who is gay

yet everything happens for a reason.

 

The single mother knows nothing but depletion

and silently begins to pray

in dark, light, or any season.

 

The divorcee who feels uneven

alone, cold, and grey

everything happens for a reason.

 

A bird whose wing is broken

doth sing anyway

in dark, light, or any season.

 

Pain and trials force our completion

and test our strength alway

everything happens for a reason

in dark, light, or any season. 

Everything to Gain

Mexican breeze rustles the palm trees

an ocean of blue and green

windchimes humming like bees

golden sunshine that must be seen.

 

Persistent coo of the doves

pelicans flying in formation

spicey dishes that I love

Aquarius is tonight's constellation.

 

Mariachi music is always playing

shells in my pocket and sand in my shoes

you can bet that I am staying

everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Exotic Pets

He called me his girlfriend

before I knew what it would mean.

I knew I belonged to him

as friends do belong to one another

yet something else was expected

that I couldn't decipher. 

 

He was a handsome Mexican boy,

a mustache of peach fuzz

and a serious, rough demeaner

that drew me in.

I was magnetized, a pattern to be repeated later in life.

Curious to touch his scuffed, mocha-brown skin and thick hair,

I yearned to caress him, but kept my eyes low,

green eyes that flashed giggles, 

and Irish freckles dappling ivory white skin.

Skin of white silk pressed against the wild deep, dark, and dangerous.

Sun-kissed hair flying straight and strawberry blond.

 

His broken English intrigued me, spicy hot words

spoken like a bullet train I had to catch.

I was quiet

as his temper could flare like water thrown on hot grease. Temper, temper!

This intrigued me.

Volatile and passionate,

fuel for his rocket of adolescent rage.

 

After school he would take me by the hand and lead me

to a dark, dank, cool place smelling of wet earth and dust

beneath a foreign house

and kiss me as we locked eyes sternly.

I tingled all over with excitement, guilt, and worry.

What would he do to me, the passionate Jose?

 

He always pulled out his magazine of naked ladies

and would explain like a doctor, anatomically

as if they were his,

like I was his for giving him pleasure.

I would look, then turn away,

only there to kiss and plunder the depths

of his angry Latin eyes. 

 

Riding bikes through a field, he grabbed my wrist

and marched me into the canopy where trees slumbered and stooped.

"Lay down," he commanded in broken English. 

I didn't want to lay down among the marshy, pointed reeds. 

I protested as he pushed me down and laid heavy on top of me.

We kissed until I got worried about snakes hiding in the grass.

 

Jumping up, I bolted for my bike, but he was fast.

In a field of gold we were yelling.

Jose's fist sailed through the air, landing hard.

When I awoke, he was stooped over me. 

"I didn't mean to." All Jose's say that. 

Revenge was coiled up in me and ready to strike.

Crunch, crack! He flew back when my punch landed straight and true.

Jose laughed, although his nose was bloody. "We are even now,"

he conceded. "You are strong for a girl." 

 

I knew I would never trust him again.

I wouldn't be controlled.

Suddenly his darkness didn't attract me.

Jose was a dangerous jungle animal 

whose stripes had hypnotized me.

Be careful, 

I said to myself,

with exotic pets. 

Golden Opportunity

Just like the wind I move at will

and never stay too long, lest I

become a statue standing still

I’m a wanderer that prefers to fly.

 

Don't tie me down for I am a wheel

who longs to see more of the earth.

So tag along and bring your zeal,

the earth is ours and made of mirth.

 

Why be a tree when you can soar

above life's trivialities?

Besides all this, you're just a bore

espousing your sagacity.

The highest of humanity

are known to indulge their fantasies. 

 

Cast your cares and doubt aside

and be a fool who plays with me.

Leave your phone and come outside

where your soul can finally breathe.

Remember, there's a child inside

who would rather play in the salty sea,

who would rather roam the countryside

than play grown-up and have high tea.

 

We all decide which "us" to be:

a rolling stone or a steady rock.

Our hearts decide who will hold the key.

Be free for eternity

for this is your golden opportunity. 

 

Heart of Gold

Lonely is this heart of gold

though I refuse the best of lovers.

Longing that our story be told.

 

Helpless as a hostage in blindfold. 

Waiting for you, refusing all others.

Lonely is this heart of gold.

 

And even while our romance is old

the thought of you sends my heart a-flutter.

Longing that our story be told.

 

I can't understand a heart so cold,

your indifference makes me shutter.

Lonely is this heart of gold.

 

You may think my declaration bold

but like a storm that roars with thunder

I'm longing that our story be told.

 

Until the day you pass my threshold

I'll dream of you in disquieted slumber.

Lonely is this heart of gold.

Longing that our story be told.

 

How Many Loves

How many loves can one heart hold?

And when broken, do the cracks ever mend?

At this age should I be so bold?

How many loves can one heart hold?

Starting again leaves me cold.

Can we begin this romance as friends?

How many loves can one heart hold,

and can I follow this road to the end?

I Hardly Know How to Be

I hardly know how to be

words fail me every time.

Mountains we did climb

when it was you and me.

 

You struggled to be free

and wouldn't last a lifetime.

It drove me to my knees

where I stayed for a long time.

 

I'm living near the sea

where your ashes are full time

sparkling in the sunshine

at least you're living carefree. 

 

I hardly know how to be.

Words fail me every time. 

Joy and Sorrow

I came to clear my head

jammed with worry as it ever is,

the kind of worry that resurrects the past

like a compulsive grave robber.

The kind of fondness that drives me to replay

time-worn scenes,

the kind of fondness that had me dancing

like a showgirl puppet

gowned in matrimonial taffeta

on a soggy, sacrosanct day.

The kind of worry that made me plead

on my knees when death snatched her.

A mishmash of ragtag memories crowd my days.

Label me a retrospective character, 

for it fits, and I wear it with pride

as an artist and a woman. 

 

Today the sea is cranky, withdrawn, baring its' jagged teeth. 

I walk until my legs ache, but I've sorted out my problems.

Of different natures, they grow like flowers in my garden.

 

Like wildflowers, disputes are colorful and unruly, 

hard to contain.

They do ramble and travel

in tight circles that repeat themselves.

Like red roses are my joys, neatly arranged

against a backdrop of lace, finery, and romance. 

 

What stands out is the realness of my problems

and the falsehood of my joys.

Misery is truth

while joy is fleeting; a blissful bird taking wing. 

Yet, I would sell my earthly soul to do one bright day over.

 

Joys will alight on my shoulder in the Winter days to come. 

Like a babe, I will suckle and take strength.

From the blemishes and wreckage

I can only hope to do better,

lesson after bitter lesson.

 

If all my desires were met

I would long for a vigorous challenge

for life is a game of opposites. 

 

Having assured myself that my problems aren't extraordinary,

nor can any joy last,

I turn back to the sweet, salty sea 

who has so many moods; she is like me.

I had forgotten the fresh air

and restless waves that hurry in to carry me home.

My head is clear; there is room

for both joy and sorrow here. 

Mercury

Fly away with wings on your feet

like Mercury the swift.

Run away from the ghost that haunts you,

these red lips that you kissed.

 

Only the Gods fly fast enough.

Once upon a time I held you up.

My interest was rebuffed,

we spilled the adoring cup.

 

Winged sandals' grace your feet

and wings do grace your hat.

Running after lovers you did meet

that deceive like the thunderclap.

 

Who dons God's wings yet won’t trust himself,

he dashes from my arms?

Like slipperiest silver his heart on a shelf

is his irresistible charm.

 

Daring, shiny, and quick as a flash

was my beloved, blameless boy.

To escape the shackles of love he dashed

making of love a sportive toy.

 

Lady of Troy, daughter of Zeus

would have known him very well.

Captured by her alluring charms

he thought he could break the spell.

 

He failed to see he could not outrun

the heart that beat within.

Wherever he goes he comes undone,

trapped in Mercury's skin.

 

A tale of caution

to listen to the heart

when love is destined to be.

Even the Gods do not keep souls apart,

not even mercurial Mercury.

Monsoon of Passion (Haiku)

The wind blew my heart wide open

standing still and waiting

for a wild monsoon of passion. 

Mortality

Monstrous is mortality

which stalks the soul until it dies

then free it is of stubborn pride,

brutality, carnality.

We mustn't cry.

 

If we had known the hardships then

would we have volunteered to come

and march like soldiers to the drum

and seen it to the bitter end?

A lion's den.

 

Bruised upon the wheel of fate

crushed is every tender heart

like puppets we are torn apart.

Fools we were to take the bait.

A sinless brave heart.

 

Better is the next bright star

than deception we are drowning in.

Where beauty dwells, and our own kin.

No battle scars or ruthless Czars.

We, sovereign.

 

Were we a cloud, pond, or tree

wouldn't we be much improved?

Even if we hardly moved

or were the tumultuous, romantic sea,

mortality removed.

 

Worlds beyond now out of reach

we will cradle in glorious hands,

rule with care and give commands,

simple species we will teach

as was planned.

 

But today we are like childish fools

who dream of Heaven and a God sublime.

Praying away our heinous crimes,

stuck here in this hellish school

we bide our time.

My Last Fond Wish

I long to be a mermaid

true blue as sky and sea

for when I am cruelly betrayed

I'll be as cold as a fish can be.

 

And sailors will tell stories 

when I sing my siren song

how they lost their wits and jumped to be

fish food for my killing spree.

 

And artists will paint my portrait

murals grand on beach house walls

and in the night, I'll come to see

my likeness even if I must crawl.

 

So now you know my last fond wish

is to be a mermaid, that cunning fish. 

No Man’s Land

The silence is too silent, a weight to bear

like the cloak of darkness of the longest night

we keep our distance in the pale moonlight

and play solitaire. 

 

But we had plans as lovers do

to see each other to the end.

But now you want to call me friend

and other loves pursue.

 

Yet, I will smile and shake your hand

as if we had never tasted passion.

I am stuck out here in no man's land

as falsehood's all the fashion.

 

But tell me, won't you, what happens when

our eyes meet and time stands still

swept up in timeless love again

against our will.

 

What drags us back to yesteryear

no matter what we say or do?

How many cycles we've passed through

yet youthful we appear.

 

Oh, how the heart remembers love

the lucky two of fates star-crossed.

But foolish youth, opportunity lost.

A beloved now we're bereft of.

 

So here I sit in no man's land

because there is no turning back.

I hope, I pray I cut me some slack

with my feet stuck in the sand. 

Ocean View (Haiku)

I abandoned life devoid of you

and called it happiness, for I had to keep smiling

because I had the ocean view. 

O Mexico!

O Mexico! With sweet sounds of traditions old 

on accordion, guitar, trumpet, and tuba

and spicy tastes of cumin, cloves, and Menudo

a proud heritage not my own, despite your lack.

 

The fields upon your backs and children running barefoot,

the maids and housekeepers make it nice for me,

for the white money, their smug savior

tossing pesos like pennies at the eager car parks

with reserved smiles and lowered eyes saying, "Gracias, senor."

 

Sunshine always graces the beaches filled with white dough bodies

as an ever-present desert wind whips up 

just in time for fresh fruit margaritas

and giant shrimp cocktails, and tacos of carnitas 

with white creme, green chilis, and red tomatoes.

 

The white of your flag stands for the Catholic Church who converted you,

religions of the indigenous ancestors 

buried now but stand indominable 

in ruins where blood ran like rivers of sacrifice.

And green for independence from the Americanos

who buy your goods as you say, "Bienvenido," which means welcome to our country.

 

Red for the blood of the Mexican heroes,

refusing to become our slaves, resisting even the Spanish 

who weaponized smallpox to destroy all and every

vestige of your civilization. O Mexico!

 

You have made peace with your tormentors.

For your many talents,

peace-loving is what I would call you, and survivors. 

You forgot the past so you could have a future.

Who can blame you?

 

Hold on, and keep holding on

to your pride as you bow respectfully to the Europeans 

as your children dress in designer everything

made in America.

 

The traditional sarapes and sombreros

are sold to the tourists while your children ask for

Nike tennis shoes that China manufactured. 

Swapping fashion for the Mayan and Aztec ways,

technology is conquering history.

Every nation has traded its heritage in some form 

for survival, convenience, and progress. 

Rolling forward in step with humanity,

not to be left behind in the swift march of technology. 

Adaptable, always adaptable, this American admires who you are,

O Mexico!

Planet Earth’s Door

When I was a child, I lived forever free,

imagining the world to be mine.

And like the bird I knew how to sing.

To my innocent will, the cosmos consigned.

 

But as I grew my wings did fall off:

the rain and years did wear me thin. 

The injustice of love made me scoff

I can scarcely recall the child I've been.

 

For life's bright magic fades away

with time, trials, and injuries deep.

No soul escaping its judgement day,

the adult within begins to weep.

 

Had I the choice to live once more

I would withdraw my hand from planet earth's door.

Poseidon

The ocean marked me. A jagged bottle beneath

branded my foot as blood gushed, a sandy sacrifice.

Payment for the joy the sea would give me all my life. 

 

Racing to the hospital in Dad's rusty pickup

a drunk driver swerved into our lane.

We flew into a ditch in funky Santa Cruz.

Ten stitches as I screamed, held by nurses with Novocain.

And the nice, familiar farmer who appeared on the scene

and vanished. An angel could have been?

I was branded at a young age by Poseidon of the Pacific. 

 

I learned to bodyboard, 

both terrible and glorious,

trusting instinctively that God would never harm me. 

Until I drowned in the muddy Russian river, or nearly.

Watching my arms floating freely in the dark deep.

Death was foreign, yet strangely comforting.

Saying, "But I was so young!" as my short movie played.

And then a man's arm as fast as a freight train,

as big as a redwood 

fished me out, infusing life into my corpse of a body.

I pull on my neoprene skin and look like a seal.

A senior who still plays like a child because she was branded. 

This is my domain as much as any sharks, so we must share.

I hold my breath as the stinging cold water tumbles me.

Laughter bubbles up and gets lost among the seafoam.

Salty lips as I swallow a wave that forces itself. 

Salt in every crevice stinging my frozen nose. 

Age has stolen my stamina, damnina.

 

The day I stop playing with Poseidon he can have me. 

Take my body and lay it beside the crystal sea where He 

will brand me with his golden trident.

No blood or pain, old age, nor death will beckon. 

This life is but a shadow of better things to come. 

Ripe and Ridiculous

Ridiculous circumstances are bound to come

like ripe fruit that rots.

Plucked from our sweetness by an angry sun.

The trees drop their heavy sacks

for the insects to feast and the birds to smack.

Never wasted, a Kerouac.

 

Expecting life should make more sense,

maintaining decorum and order.

Events are at random

and humans are deranged and disordered.

 

Nothing makes sense coos the coocoo bird,

do not push so hard.

You’ll be ripe and delicious

once you are in the worm-hacked graveyard.

 

If animals can feast on you,

then you

are ripe and ridiculous, too.

The Clandestine Years

The clandestine years crept up on me

wagging its chin, and with ogre ears

speak louder for I can't hear

wrinkly skin like an elephant be.

 

My senior friends come round for tea

I call them gently, "my dears"

for the clandestine years snuck up on me

wagging its chin, and with ogre ears.

 

At the end, barely able to see

then my mind will be crowded with fears!

As sundown comes and the darkness nears.

 

Yet in my heart a child runs free

though the clandestine years crept up on me. 

The Heart is Fickle

The heart is ever fickle

running after pretty eyes

then we're in a pickle

making excuses and telling lies.

 

Or looking back to a love gone by

yesterday seems finer

what we want we have already tried

it's like eating at the same old diner.

 

To satisfy the heart with now

is a trick we haven't mastered. 

Today has gotten lost somehow

for my heart's a fickle bastard.

 

O my heart, look within

to look without is a mortal sin. 

The She Inside

 I wish to be

the she inside,

to scale the mount

and brave the tide.

 

Yet, I and me

won't dare to dream

the way she does

with starry eyes.

Dancing in magnetic moon beams,

while I keep my heart disguised.

 

Of we two, I am half her size.

If only we could meet between!

Tragic Figure

 She was a tragic figure,

evoking quiet rebuke or pity.

Some peered through her warped glass as though they could see through her,

while to others she was as impervious as a veiled threat.

But her internal struggle could be seen by anyone who cared to look

which is why they all stayed missing.

 

The exterior of her life was painted in broad strokes

of red on a white canvas

and left to run.

Her insides quiet as a mausoleum on a dead day,

which is why she failed to invite anyone.

And only whispers were left where once the shape of a daughter stood.

 

She cared only for the naked truth,

a camel who carried her through the desert of death

where she would laugh at mirages.

No longer thirsty for her needs had been packed away.

A chiseled scowl darkened her brow

for the elements had whipped and cracked her spirit

as her world had once cracked.

A suspicious mouth, crooked as a fault line ran in an impossible slant

so her jagged smile cut like unapologetic razor blades.

Her countenance said: “If you even whisper, I shall shatter.”

Suitors admire from a safe distance

for there is no mercy and no middle road

for tragic figures like Lauren Bacall

and Lucille Ball,

and other dames who determined their fates,

whose gloved hands could only castrate.

 

Tragic figures are women, all

with a demented story to tell

of survival among society’s males,

but don’t you dare tell, 

no, dont you dare yell. 

Trilogy of Crashing Stars

Before the starry-eyed curtain falls,

before the last treasured memory fades

I look back to see we three standing tall

unaware that the grim reaper was bringing his blade.

 

I have asked myself a million times, why we?

Why take one so young, and tear a marriage asunder?

A shitstorm that ripped the branches from the tree

scattered like clouds we were running from thunder. 

 

Like a trilogy of crashing stars

each one concealing their hidden, private pain.

The two of us left standing carry the scars

and I think about the two of you every time it rains.

 

Don't forget me, and remember 

when you flew overhead

and we were crashing stars 

in the universe's bed. 

True Love Lost

When you think back on what could have been

when you are alone, your fortunes in review

when the years have delivered their half-hearted wins

for the guarded heart you safely withdrew

 

then will you admit when no soul can hear

then will you wail to know all that was tossed

then though the bell tolls in destiny's ear

your one chance at true love was lost.

 

No going back, nothing as severe

no time left for the star-crossed.

 

Despite divine decree you ignored the signs

month after month and year after year

until you became the tempest-tossed

and your true love died one thousand times.

What’s For Dinner

I fancy the same things for dinner.

I used to grocery shop and cook to impress.

Now it is all tomato sauce, pasta, frozen meatballs, and parmesan.

My well-rounded entrée.

More than liking Italian, a bowl of spaghetti is the comfort of sameness, of predictability. 

No major decisions at the end of the day. I know what I am getting, whereas life has been one big meatball of insecurity: a tangled ball of angst from appetizer to dessert.

Trying new food was once exciting, like trying women instead of men. Because I fell somewhere in the middle, I developed a taste for both. Curious, but now I don’t care much for either. I will stick with the sure and guaranteed.

Pass the cheese.

Tame

My home, my nest, my sweet, spicey abode.

Where my heart's at rest, my heart's at rest.

Safely tucked in a pocket that the sea bestowed

where I have been blessed, I have been blessed.

 

I don't have to see my mother, the sea,

to hear her voice roar in the morning.

Just to know she waits; she waits for me

and can rush right in, sometimes without warning.

 

There is a danger in every blossomed rose

when you pick a flower without a thought.

I have come to respect the sea's highs and lows

and to watch my fingers around the lobster pot. 

 

A lover’s never seized me, unreliable.

While nature's won my heart, justifiable.

 

Conversations With Mother God

(A Short Story)

by

Devi Nina Bingham

Epigraph

“When the separate sense of "I" is removed, the dream will end. When the dream ends, you will realize there never was an ego keeping this play running; in truth, the "I" never existed. The ego is only a name given to this separate sense of "I” and is part of the dream. When you abolish the sense of "I," all the stage props collapse, and what is behind the curtain, what lies behind the separate sense of "I" will be seen. Simply, life is a dream you must awaken from.”-Devi Nina Bingham

 

                                  

Forward from The Author

 

As a devout Hindu, the Mother Goddess is an important topic for me. I've been praying and chanting to the Goddesses for many years and the results have both thrilled and astounded me. I'll give you just one example. After 17 years I retired from my Life Coaching practice to pursue a master’s degree in creative writing and English. Finally, I had reached a point in my life when I could devote time to my writing. However, going back to school required me to live on a strict budget because I had to cut back on my work hours. I don't mind living simply, I am used to that. But occasionally I had to postpone important household repairs until I could save the money.

One winter, the electrical wiring failed in my home office and part of my living room. Until I was able to pay for an electrician, I rearranged some furniture and made do with a few extension cords. My daily spiritual practice involves performing a puja, which is a Hindu home worship ceremony. It takes little time and I look forward to it, since it relieves tension and leads to excellent outcomes. About a week after losing electricity, I performed my usual puja, offering prayers to the Mother Goddess who governs prosperity. I had never prayed to Her before but I had been reading about a multitude of Devis and decided, what harm could it do?  I was explaining my electrical woes when the lights flickered back on. As the fan next to me whirred unexpectantly, I leaped a mile. I nervously chuckled and exclaimed, "No way!” I checked the outlets which were dead before and they were all working. That's when I felt a tingling sensation like electricity; there was a powerful presence in the room causing my hair to prickle. I have sensed spirits before, so I clasped my hands, bent my head, and thanked the Goddess for answering my request, for how could this be a coincidence? My prayer had been answered before I could complete it! It's always been this way for me, both with angels and goddesses; they seem more approachable and helpful than most humans. But don't believe me-try it yourself. Make your wishes known to a Mother Goddess and watch what happens.

Unlike my other channeled publications which deliver messages in a one-way monologue, this story was written in an easygoing, conversational style. When the Archangels dictated to me, they did not wish to converse; I was taking dictation. This is the only channeled book I've written that follows a question-and-answer format. It is a spontaneous discussion portrayed in common vernacular, a informal talk between a mother and daughter over tea.

Goddesses have two different sides: they are mighty rulers of the universe but they are also loyal friends and mothers to their devotees. Hindus commonly refer to them as "Maa," just as a child says “mom” instead of the more formal, Mother. The Devis are full of compassion, patience, and good humor. There is nothing that they would not do for me (if I can persuade them). They are bright and observant, yet they will turn on their adversaries in a rage with weapons of war and incantations. So be warned: never mistake a Goddess for a genie in a bottle who you can command.

You may speculate about which Mother Goddess dictated this book, but I am choosing to keep that a secret. If I identify her, you may miss out on discovering the many Goddesses accessible to you. You see, according to Hinduism's Vedas, their ancient scriptures, there are 33 primary deities. However, globally, Hindus worship millions of Gods and Goddesses, and a major portion of them are female. Hinduism is the oldest religion on earth claiming a distinguished history of some 10,000 years. Egypt had 1,400 gods and goddesses, many of whom were female, such as Isis. In Buddhism, female divinities are known as Bodhisattvas, such as Tara. Buddhism is an ancient tradition originating in the 5th or 6th BCE. I recommend that you read a few articles online or a few books about Goddesses. Choose one that interests you. Next, find a simple way to connect with the Goddess, because difficult or intricate rituals are hard to sustain. But I promise you, if you begin your trek towards the Goddesses, they will reach back to you.

I felt compelled to explore Goddesses because my biological mother and I do not have a relationship. She is a conservative religious person who rejects Hinduism, calling it "idol worship." I explained that the Gods on my puja altar were representations only in the shape of statues or pictures, much as a crucifix or cross reminds her of Christ. But she thinks I am hopelessly doomed. Like me, many people do not have a positive connection with their mother, for a variety of reasons. Being connected to a Mother Goddess has healed that yearning in me for a maternal presence. Divine Mother responds to my prayers and provides for me on both a spiritual and a practical, earthly level. But, more significantly, I know She is always there to listen. If there is a lack of a loving maternal presence in your life, I can attest that the Devis are real; "realer" than some earthly moms; always present without judgement or prejudice, eager to encourage and who will, when we need it, occasionally correct us. And isn't that what a mother is for? More information on this subject can be found in my book, “Messages From Metatron: A Course in Self-Transformation” (Puerto Penasco Publishing, 2019) in Chapter 3 entitled, “You Will Always Have a Mother.”

Now, let us examine what the science of Archeology has to say about a Mother Goddess, since science helps us to separate fact from fiction. First, what is the relevance of the Divine Mother? There are 66 books in the Bible that describe a Father God; isn’t that good enough? That is like saying, “Because your father is a man, we are going to ignore that you have a mother because, after all, a father’s love is good enough.” In response to this patriarchal-type thinking, the Archangel Metatron says, “Father God is pure intellect, creating things, while Mother’s job is to tend to Her cosmic children, to teach them to get along” (Messages From Metatron, 2015). With the state of the world today, I would say that Mother has her work cut out for her! Metatron goes on to say that a vision of the Mother Goddess is given to enlightened beings. Then he calls Mother God the benevolent sustainer of the earth and the maintainer of life. He says that minus Her constant guiding force there would be no life as we know it. He includes a list of all the countries that venerate the Mother, including: South American, Egypt, Aztec, the ancient Sumerians, Mesopotamians, the ancient Greeks, Romans, Celts, Germanic, Slavic and Turkish peoples, and Eastern religions which include the Gnostic Christians, the Hindus, Buddhists, and the Jains. That is quite a list! If these civilizations were convinced of a Mother Goddess, why does Christianity make no mention of Her?

When the only God is male, i.e. the strong, creative force, the power and the dominance, women do not see themselves reflected in God and can be made to feel less worthy than men. When all we hear is that God is a man, we are only getting half of the equation. The masculine reasoning says: dismiss the female perspective, because men are superior and due to our superiority, women must do as we say. The church has concluded that since males were created first and Eve second, she was an afterthought to meet Adam’s needs. There are conservative churches who still preach that women are second string. Females are a good model, but not the best model. Therefore, women ought to be subservient to men and most importantly, silent.

But ask this question of Archeology: is there really a Mother Goddess? Science can help us to uncover the truth, though churches would rather not acknowledge it. Here is what I really want my readers to know: that of the Abrahamic religions (Judaism and Christianity), the earliest descriptions of the Mother Goddess came from ancient Israel! Long before Jesus and prior to the Bible, images of a Mother Goddess named Asherah were unearthed by Archeologists. She was the wife and consort of God. The statues of Asherah were placed on household shrines and She was worshiped as a nurturing, comforting, and very powerful deity. These relics would eventually develop into Christianity. These are Christianity’s ancient and untold roots-which is a long way from where the church has wandered today.

Now let us examine why Asherah disappeared. In the Dead Sea Scrolls, Asherah’s name appears more than 40 times. 40 times! But in the First Counsil of Nicaea in 325 BC, the catholic bishops who answered to Emperor Constantine edited Her out. Anytime there was a reference to the Mother God, a paternalistic interpretation was written instead. Furthermore, any book they did not approve of was labeled as heretical. Gnostic Christian groups who had followed Jesus were charged as heretics and promptly hunted down and killed. Later in the 17^th Century, the King James Version of the Bible was written, erasing every hint of the Mother. Both historians and Archeologists agree on these grisly facts. As the generations progressed, the Israelites had no knowledge of their maternal spiritual roots so they stopped believing in Her.

Let us turn to the Bible and ask: does the modern version give any indication that there is a Mother Goddess? In Genesis 1:26, Elohim, which was the name for Father God, says this: “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness. And let them rule over all the earth.” Now, to me, this is the most persuasive evidence of all, because the word “our” is plural, right? If this scripture was describing God alone it would have said, “Let me make man in my image.” But that’s not what it says. If we apply evolutionary logic, any new species requires two ingredients: a male sperm, and a female egg. If you took sex education in school, and if you were paying attention, you know that it takes a male and a female to create sentient life. Thus, according to this passage in Genesis, God must have had a female counterpart. However, Christianity explains it away by saying that God was speaking to His son Jesus, or perhaps to the Holy Spirit. But that makes no sense, because to create a human you need both a male, and a female.

When Christian theologians are asked to explain why Asherah was written out of the Bible, they say She had to go because it was idol worship, which is forbidden. However, the bishops could have instructed the believers to throw out the images of Asherah and kept the theology of both a Father and Mother God. Yet, they chose not to. Why? Because the church fathers who decided the church’s doctrine were all men, and the government was all male. It was a club that women were not allowed to be a part of then, and in some churches, are still excluded from.

In Chapter 3 of Metatron’s book, he draws a moving comparison or analogy about the Divine Mother being like our real mother, but we were never told about Her because we were adopted by the church. Once a child discovers that they were adopted, they will go looking for the biological parents. Metatron encourages us not to be afraid to look for our real Mother, which I thought was a poignant way of illustrating that our Divine Mother has been kept from us. I would like to share with you “The Lord’s Prayer” in the original Aramaic, the language that Jesus was speaking when he instructed His disciples how to pray:

“Oh Cosmic Birther of all radiance and vibration,

Soften the ground of our being, and carve out a space within us

Where your presence can abide.

Fill us with your creativity so we may be empowered to bear fruit in our mission.

Let each of our actions bear fruit in accordance with our desires,

In balance with the wisdom to produce what each being needs to grow and flourish.

Untie the tangled threads of destiny that bind us, as we release each other from

The entanglement of past mistakes.

Do not let us be seduced by that which would divert us from our true purpose,

But illuminate the opportunities of the present moment.

For you are the ground and the fruitful vision, the birth, the power and fulfillment

As all is gathered and made whole once again.”

If we had heard the first line of Jesus prayer as He spoke it: “O Cosmic Birther…” instead of “Our Father…” as the Catholic Church rewrote it, and had Mother Goddess not been excised from the Bible, we would have known that we had a Father and a Mother. How many times have we heard “The Lord’s Prayer” in church and believed this rendition to be true when we were only getting half of the story?

Metatron instructs us to ask for a sign as proof from Mother God. This is reflective of what psychic Sylvia Browne has said. She encouraged readers to ask for a sign to prove that Mother God was real, and to ask for a flower. When I read that, I thought, “I don’t get flowers very often so if I get one it’s going to be a miracle.” I prayed for a sign and asked it to come in the form of a flower. A week later I was with a friend visiting her aunt’s bedside in a hospital. There were loads of flowers encircling her bed and I remembered that the sign I had asked for was flowers. As I stood there I thought, “But this is not a sign, because these flowers aren’t for me.” At the end of the visit I hugged her aunt goodbye, and she said, “Before you go, you are such a lovely person-I want you to have these flowers,” and she picked a white potted flower. I replied that I did not want to take her get-well flowers as they were meant for her, and she insisted, “These are for you.” On the drive home I was quiet, stunned because what I had asked for had happened. Since that day I have never doubted that there is a Mother God.

Other cultures were big on worshiping the Mother deity. In the Egyptian Valley of the Queens (meaning: place of beauty), female pharaohs, queens, priestesses, princes, and nobles were laid to rest. Female royalties were honored with their own tombs because Egyptian Goddesses were worshiped, such as Isis, and Goddess worship elevated women in the Egyptian culture much the same way that Goddess worship does today in India. Rulers in Egypt and Nubia built temples to Isis. It was believed that her magical powers were greater than all the Gods, and that she would determine your fate. Thus, the ordinary Egyptian invoked the healing spells of Isis. The Egyptian Sphinx is even associated with a woman. The deadly female sphinx of Greek mythology would ask riddles of those who passed by, eating those who did not answer her correctly. These statues have been used for centuries to protect tombs and temples. A Sphinx had the head and breasts of a woman, the body of a lion, and the wings of an eagle. Its purpose was to guard against evil spirits using riddles. The Sphinx still guards whatever secrets are yet to be discovered in the pyramids.

In the Greco-Roman world, the cult of Isis became a popular part of the Roman religion which included festivals, and initiation rites called The Mysteries of Isis. “Many texts from the Roman Empire refer to the Isis mysteries, but the only source to describe them is a work of fiction, the novel The Golden Ass, written in the second century CE by Apuleius. In it, the initiate undergoes elaborate ritual purification before descending into the innermost part of Isis's temple where he experiences a symbolic death and rebirth and has an intense religious experience, seeing the gods in person” (Wikipedia, 2025). Why am I telling you this? To show that veneration of the Mother Goddess has a long and illustrious history. Roots of female divinity stretch back even further to Europe, the Middle East, and Africa, some 30,000 years before Christ, based upon Paleolithic figures and cave paintings (Ancient Goddess Religions, Public Archive, Washington State University, 2025). You see, it is not my idea, nor a New Age idea that God could be a woman; it is a very ancient and historical idea.

Psychic-healer Edgard Cayce prophesied that the Hall of Records which reveals mankind’s true ancient past would not be discovered until “…the time has been fulfilled when the changes must be active in this sphere of man’s experience” (Cayce, reading 378-16). He seems to be pointing to a shift in humanity’s consciousness from malevolent to benevolent, but I would take that a step further. I would say that what we are waiting for is a restoration of the divine feminine to her rightful place of equality and leadership. Humanity must reach a higher level of maturity and morality, an enlightened age which embraces values such as equality, respect for all life, unity of vision, and care for the earth. I hope that this charming mother-daughter dialogue will sooth and reassure you that, as the Archangel Metatron has said, “You will always have a Mother.”

Shanti (Peace),

Devi Nina Bingham

                         Message 1: Who Is God?

Mother: "Who is God?" This is a question that everyone has considered, yet the answer is complex. A dog or cat is classified as an animal since it has four legs, barks or meows, and has fur. Flying creatures are classified as bugs or birds since they have wings. However, God is difficult to categorize since He is the creator and not the created.

God encompasses everything in creation; hence, He cannot be accurately labeled. God is neither masculine nor feminine; God is both. God is neither spirit nor substance; He (also She) is both. God is All; everything, including nothing. To say that any religion can precisely define God as this or that is absurd, because God exists in all religions, and even in nothing, which is the belief of atheism. Humans have given God a variety of titles and traits, mostly those that accord with who they are and their perception of how the world should be. But, if you ask me to explain God, the most clear and truthful description is that God is "everything." How can everything, the total sum of all components, be characterized as a single part?”

Nina: "You said that everything is God. Are you separate from God?"   

Mother: "I am a divine emanation. Like you, I am a living idea of God. But I've been granted greater abilities than you."

Nina: "Who created the Mother God?"

Mother: "Cloning is the process by which organisms reproduce themselves without the genetic input of another. God duplicated Himself to create the female. In the beginning there was a primordial Mother, the first mother-the Mother of Creation, the Universal Mother. It is proper to refer to Her as God's consort or counterpart.”

Nina: "Hindus refer to her as Devi, or the Mother of Many Gods, according to the Rigveda. She maintains the cosmic moral order, and her mount is a phoenix. The Jewish Zohar identifies her as the greatest Sephirah. She was known as Sophia by the Gnostics, Aditi by the Greeks, and Isis by the Egyptians. Isis was one of Egypt's most adored gods due to her caring nature."

Mother: "This is an apt description of Her." 

Nina: "I wonder, being a powerful Goddess, what is your opinion is of the modern woman?"

Mother: "Your women have taken a backseat to males, which is not right. God's first creation was the feminine. It is important to understand that a female was formed before a male, giving her higher stature and bringing her closer to God. But your men would never accept this because it contradicts their paternalistic, authoritative narrative. Then the physically stronger animal dominated the Earth, not by divine decree but by subjugation. Humanity still values physical strength; thus, males have always made themselves first according to this primitive criterion. However, by different criterion, the feminine is blessed with greater sensitivity, and better at communication."

Nina: "Why do you say women are more sensitive?"

Mother: "In terms of intuition, women have greater psychic powers, and a larger range of emotions, including compassion.”

Nina: "Are you saying men are more logical and less emotional?"

Mother: "On the whole, yes. There are differences in the sexes physically, but also mentally."

Nina: "It sounds as if you are saying intuition and emotional sensitivity are greater than brute strength." 

Mother: "Being born a female is a greater blessing than being born a male. Have you ever observed how men labor their bodies like bulls in the field, while women stay at home and nurture the children? Even when working outside, the women gather rather than hunt. This division of labor should demonstrate to you that women have a better rank, since they are not designed to work like animals. She is refined, and he is brute force. Your culture would have you believe that physical strength is the peak of human progress, but I argue the contrary. A queen sits on her throne while her servants labor in the fields."

Nina: "Aren't men and women equal in God's eyes?"

Mother: "No! That is an erroneous belief. Tell me, do today's men treat women as equals?"

Nina: "Certainly not. Women are not equal anywhere. They are underpaid, and abused more. They do not have the same opportunities for leadership as males.”

Mother: "Women are subjugated. This is because you were taught that a woman is supposed to be subservient. But who said this? The early Catholic Church told women to remain quiet; Jesus did not. A significant distinction. And God the Father created the feminine first, not from Adam's rib. This fable was used to justify violence and injustice against women. Jesus made equal followers of men and women, which was unprecedented for his time.”

Nina: "How do we change this rule by force?"

Mother: "You cannot. The subjugators must. The physically stronger must yield to the mentally stronger."

Nina: "I don't think men will like this message very much."

Mother: "They won't be stuck in an inferior position forever; they won't always be male. They will be born a female in future incarnations." 

Nina: "We have been indoctrinated with the idea that men are superior." 

Mother: "And why is that?”

Nina: "So they can maintain power and control." 

Mother: "Do you think God is like this, stubbornly refusing to share the power?"

Nina: "Not from what you're telling me. God seems less male all the time."

Mother: "Get this straight: God is neither male nor female, but a perfect balance of both energies."

Nina: "I forgot. That's how much I've been told that God is a "he." 

Mother: "You have been indoctrinated. There are other misconceptions that I aim to fix. Please begin to think as things are, not as others want you to think they are. I am concerned with dispelling myths for they never help society; they only confuse things. But I will feed lies to the foolish and stubborn, for that is all they are hungry for." 

Nina: "That's another thing. Why are there so few seekers in the world? Most people seem satisfied with a mundane life and simple answers." 

Mother: "Everyone is in a developmental cycle. Some are naive souls just starting out. Others are advanced souls who have already passed from death to immortality. Others are in the middle, with one foot in the light and the other in ignorance. Still others have chosen to forsake the truth altogether and dwell in darkness. It takes more effort to question and reason, so most ignore discrepancies in logic. Most prefer the easy answer."

Nina: "What are we here for? It's such an exhausting and painful experience to be a human. But as you reminded me, being in human form is also a privilege. What's the point of it all?"

Mother: "God created life as a dream. When I say life, I mean the cosmos; all of creation. While your dreams feature a few characters and scenes, His dream stretches in many directions. By comparison, your dreams are simple. You have one act in your dream while God is dreaming multiple dreams. He created many to interact with all of them. Since you are built like God, you dream and interact with the characters in your dreams. The whole "point of it," as you say, is interaction. Why do you watch television, see a movie, a play, a dance, a recital, or an opera? For entertainment. Don’t you think God deserves the same? Except God's entertainment is on a much larger scale." 

Nina: "Are you saying that we are God's entertainment?"

Mother: "That is a reduction, but at the heart of it, God wanted to interact with you and to watch you interact with others."

Nina: "We are like God’s television. How does God interact with us?"

Mother: "You've heard of nature, haven't you? God interacts with you in nature. Angels are emissaries sent to do God's bidding, so by extension, you're interacting with God when angels are nearby. In prayer, meditation, and chant you are in direct connection with God. When enjoying music and art, you are interacting with God’s creativity. You witness God's handiwork when you look into the sky on a starry night. You interact with God every day but you walk right by it. Every breath you take is infused with God's life-sustaining power. When you draw your last breath, the dream will collapse and you will enter another space in God's mind."

Nina: "Is the afterlife only a construct of God's mind?"

Mother: "Everything is a construct of God's mind."

Nina: "Just to clarify, who produced God? The Bible says that God was never born, which I find hard to believe. as everything has a beginning or origin. Who are God's parents?" 

Mother: "There is a race of beings you would call aliens who begat God. God is not human. God doesn't look or act human. God is stranger than the strangest animal, for he created every strange animal. You think of God as having human characteristics because you are on a planet where the most intelligent life form is human. But beyond the Milky Way there are billions of galaxies containing life. It is all so ancient, vast and diverse that if I could describe it, you wouldn't believe me."

Nina: "Try me." 

Mother: "Do you imagine that my appearance is human?"

Nina: "Yes. I don't know how else to imagine you."

Mother: "Is my origin celestial?"

Nina: "Depictions of the Goddesses show Heavenly realms, so I assume you are celestial." 

Mother: "Am I an American?"

Nina: (Laughing): "No, definitely not." 

Mother: "Then how do you know what I really look like? You have no idea what I look like because you've never seen a Goddess. You have only seen humans. What if I told you I can take whatever form I desire? I can appear to you in a dream, or right in your living room in any form. I could appear yo you as a giant octopus if I wished." 

Nina: "Please don't do that; I will have a heart attack."

Mother:  “The point is, you have extremely restricted ideas about what a Goddess should look like. You believe I should appear powerful, and if I did not, it would confuse you. Your thinking is typically ethnocentric since your understanding of spirituality is limited to what you have seen and been told. If I described planets and beings you'd never imagined before, you'd be worried or scared, so I stick to topics you're familiar with. But deities have abilities and shapes beyond your comprehension. We don't look like the superhero animations, unless we choose to. Now, let me bring up a difficulty you are personally experiencing, which is a universal problem for humans.”

Nina: “Certainly.”

Mother: "Because you live alone, you feel lonely. It's okay to admitm since everyone experiences loneliness; it's a common sensation. It is possible to feel lonely even in a crowded setting. I bring it up because so many people deal with it. Even if you are accustomed to being alone, loneliness can be uncomfortable. Most individuals believe that being alone is bad, and that being with someone is preferable to a lonely life.”

Nina: “Psychology says that people with family and friends are happier.”

Mother: “This is because you are a species who needs human contact. Infants, for example, are unable to care for themselves and must rely on others to exist. Babies left without human connection will develop marasmus and perish. This demonstrates that you are sociable beings.
However, there are exceptions. The Hindu yogis who live in seclusion, far from civilization, are satisfied, lacking the customary craving for sociability. How can they live in a Himalayan cave for years without seeing another human, yet remain happy? Buddhist monks and nuns also practice solitude, yet they are among the most peaceful people on the planet. I will tell you the secret of the yogis. They experience loneliness just as you do. However, they approach it differently. I wish you could understand the yogis' secret so you would never have to suffer loneliness again."

Nina: "I don't like feeling lonely. How should I be handling it?"

Mother: "The Psychiatrist Carl Yung stated, "Anything you resist, persists." When you don't want to feel lonely, you avoid it. This is resistance. So, accepting solitude is the first step in making it a friend. Acknowledge your loneliness. Tell yourself: "Ah, I'm feeling lonely; that's what this uncomfortable feeling is." Then, don't distract yourself by getting busy. Instead, be motionless and silent. Calm your rushing thoughts with gentle music, or just sit in the stillness, but don't try to avoid the emotion, because it isn't a bad thing. The sense of loneliness will go away if you remain calm rather than running away. You might cry a little, but once you have settle in, you won't want to go. The more you sit with this old buddy of aloneness, the more relaxed you will become. This is a benefit of meditation: it eliminates loneliness."

Nina: "What you say is true. Feelings of loneliness do disappear when I meditate."

Mother: "When people cannot be alone they get into entanglements that could have been avoided had they understood how to manage loneliness." 

Nina: "There's a problem I've seen with myself, but humanity seems to suffer with it, too. Putting off a pleasurable experience for a larger goal is not easy—for example, dieting. I want to lose weight, but the urgency of hunger wins. What can I do?"

Mother: "These are crimes motivated by passion. Desire overpowers your reasoning. Delaying pleasure is something you must learn. The more you practice accepting desire without acting upon it, the easier it will be to resist. Self-control is what distinguishes you from the animals. They don't have a choice; they act on impulse. However, you have the freedom to choose for yourself. A criminal is someone who possesses less self-control than others. They've allowed their desire for money, drugs, or sex to dictate their lives. You refer to someone as an animal who lacks self-control. The better your self-control, the higher your spiritual accomplishment will be. This is because you choose a higher road than others. When you use your smart mind rather than your carnal mind, you rise above desire."

Nina: "Why then were we given so many strong emotions to deal with, and desires of the flesh?"

Mother: "To be human is to struggle with powerful forces such as fear and anger, and physical desires such as hunger and lust. This struggle between light and dark will continue until your final breath." 

Nina: "Is the struggle necessary?"

Mother: "Think of it as a wrestling match. Two men with different talents square off. The wrestler with the most talent will win. It's the same inside you. The strongest part of you will triumph. As a result, you must practice overcoming your lesser cravings. Otherwise, your lower nature will rule. When this occurs, aggression and other primal emotions such as rage, greed, envy, and dishonesty can take hold. The effort is vital if you wish to overcome your animal nature."

Nina: "What is the best way to spend our lives? We've been given the gift of human birth; how should we spend it?"

Mother:  “You are all born with unique abilities and temperaments. As you mature, you gain talents. Because everyone is different, life is not a "one size fits all." You are incapable of doing what your neighbor can, and vice-versa. Seek to maximize your particular assets and abilities."

Nina: "Does it matter what work one does? Is one job more important than another?"

Mother: "It all depends on your talents. If you can do better than your neighbor, shouldn't you? Otherwise you are squandering an opportunity. However, a child's worth is not diminished because they cannot work as hard as an adult. You expect a youngster to go to school and study because it is within their capabilities. Similarly, your worth does not depend on the task you accomplish."

Nina: "But I thought you said we should fulfill our unique potential?"

Mother: "What about the elderly? Are they to be discarded because they are too feeble to work? What about those with disabilities? They don't work; should you toss them away? Because they labor less they are not less valuable. An elderly person who has spent a lifetime working and studying should be sought for advice. You cannot demand anything from the newborn; instead, you must console it. What about the mendicants--yogis, monks, and nuns--are they less valuable because they do not have a paid job? Some could argue that they should be earning a living. They do, however, make a spiritual contribution to society by sanctifying civilization and serving as the spiritual standard bearers. They live lives of simplicity and commitment, which are, by choice, more difficult in many ways since they lack the conveniences and amenities that you take for granted. It may be difficult to understand that your value is not connected to what you produce, yet it is true. Are you reaching your maximum potential? That is the question."

Nina: "I always feel that I am not doing enough. Why do I feel this way?"

Mother: "Only the boastful claim to have contributed much. If you wonder if you've done enough, it's a definite indicator that you have, since it shows s a desire to give."

Nina: "Some individuals do not mature. Something happened to them, and their emotional development stalled. They act childish and self-centered. I want to assist them, but they are unwilling to help themselves. Many grownups refuse to grow up.”

Mother: "You do not need to save them. If you continue to try to help them they may not appreciate it and may even "bite the hand which feeds it." Leave them in God's care; that is the finest place for them. God will encourage them to change. You don't know how to alter another; focus on changing yourself."

Nina: "I want to return to a statement you made. You said that our worth isn't based upon our productivity. However, all the spiritual masters say to help others."

Mother: "What spiritual master said this?"

Nina: "Now that you mention it, I'm not sure. Maybe they didn't say it, but Buddhist and Hindu masters had disciples or followers whom they taught. A teacher is a helper, aren’t they?"

Mother: "If you have been given knowledge, you must share it. What is your question, child?"

Nina: "My question is: do we all have an obligation to help each another?"

Mother: "Offer to help from time to time. If you never help others, why should others help you?"

Nina: "Which leads me to the topic of Karma. I think everyone's heard of Karma, but can you explain it in your most excellent of ways?"

Mother: "Karma is a return of energy. Science would say it this way: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Your behavior and choices return to you. You may not know why things happen as they do, so life can seem unfair. But the law of Karma is at play even when you are ignorant of it."

Nina: "I have had difficult Karma in the first half of my life with my daughter's suicide; I can't think of anything worse than losing a child in this tragic way. Yet, I feel it's terrific Karma to be chosen to channel these books. What has caused these extremes in my Karma?"

Mother: "Past lives contribute much of the Karma that you experience in your present life."

Nina: "How do we get rid of the bad Karma from past lives, or can we?"

Mother: "There is no magic eraser that can wipe away past deeds. You cannot ignore samskaras (your Karmic tendencies) because they are patterns imprinted on the subconscious and you carry these tendencies with you from one lifetime to the next. The best way to deal with errors is to deal with them! Make apologies, repay people, and be there if you’ve been absent. If others decide not to participate in the reconciliation process then you are free of the past, while they are stuck in it. Facing your mistakes is the quickest way to freedom."

Nina: "So few people are willing to face their mistakes. Most people cannot apologize; if they do, it comes with a disclaimer. "I did this because…"

Mother: "That is not an apology. That is a justification."

Nina: "Why are people afraid to be wrong?"

Mother: "It's the ego; it doesn't like to be wrong. I would like to switch subjects now. There is much to cover, and we are short on time."

Nina: "Why are we short on time? Are you going somewhere?"

Mother: "Others are waiting to talk."

Nina: "Oh boy."

Mother: "Daughter, this channeling ability is your gift to God. You may not remember why you are a scribe, or why you channel. No matter; keep doing the work. Few people can do it so we line up to talk to you, for you are the only one in the room who can hear us."

Nina: "Why don't more people have the gift of clairaudience, of hearing the spirit world?"

Mother: "Most people cannot hear the spirit world because they are speaking one familiar language and are satisfied with it."

Nina: "My Mother once told me that as a toddler I drove her crazy because I asked "why?" about everything."

Mother: "It's the why-ers who will find the answers." 

Nina: "Are you saying that we must be dissatisfied to develop spiritually?"

Mother: "What is meant by the word, "seeker?" Seekers aren't satisfied with what they have, or they would not be looking for something else. Even Christ told you: "Seek, and ye shall find" (Matt.7:7-8)." 

Nina: "But curiosity killed the cat." 

Mother: "If you are not curious it will kill your chances of finding the answers."

Nina: "I know you want to speak on other subjects, but may I ask another question?"

Mother: "You will, whether I say yes or no, because you are curious. Your question, child?"

Nina: "I am a Hindu. The point of practicing Hinduism is moksha, or liberation of the soul, also called Self-realization. Should everyone be seeking Self-Realization?"

Mother: "Hindu is a useless label. Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Jewish…all useless labels. Male, female, smart, stupid-more labels. Labels are nothing more than boxes to fit in and this thinking is a trap. Stop thinking you are anything. That is the first step to freedom. Be done with labels. Now, the word “moksha” means liberation. But liberation from what?"

Nina: "The ego."

Mother: "What is the ego?"

Nina: "A part of our identity that defines us as this or that."

Mother: "Exactly. How can you be free from an identity when you label yourself a Hindu, which is an identity? And to claim you are realized is to claim another label or identity."

Nina: "Point taken. Mother, is Self-realization a process, or an event?"

Mother: "It is both. Realizing your true identity is a partnership between you and God. Your third eye may be opened by grace, but your effort will keep it open."

Nina: "Is this why saints keep quiet, they don't want a label?"

Mother: "There is wisdom in keeping quiet, for many reasons.”

Nina: "I'll be quiet now" (giggle). Humans must get tiresome for you."

Mother: "I will keep quiet now" (big laugh).

Nina: "If I pray to you, will I receive your favor?"

Mother: "Why wouldn't you? Why would I ignore you when we've become acquainted? That's like a friend coming to your door for help and you draw the curtains. But everyone asks for money when they pray, and if they don't get what they want they get sore about it. They think Heaven hasn't heard their prayers, or doesn’t care. It is just that we, the deities, cannot change your Karma. If you're destined to be rich, there's nothing we can do to stop you from being rich. Likewise, if Karma has made you poor, we won't interfere with that. We could rain down a whole bucket of gold on your head but if we did, it would change your Karma. To change someone's Karma is to disrupt the natural moral law. The law of Karma states that "What you sew, you shall also reap" (Gal. 6:7). To disrupt that law is like disrupting any other law-there are consequences." 

Nina: "Such as?"

Mother: "Let us say you decide it's too hot outside. You pray for us to send a rainstorm because that will work wonderfully for you, a refreshing shower. But to answer such a prayer would disrupt nature's operations. When we disrupt nature it has far-reaching consequences. Making it rain would work in your favor because you would get relief from the scorching sun. But the Mother who has no tread on her tires hydroplaned on the wet pavement which caused her to crash her car. One child sustained serious injuries that the family must deal with for the rest of their lives. Would you want this on your conscience? The slightest interruption in the natural chain of things can bring disastrous and far-reaching consequences. We avoid meddling. What is written in the Book of Life must play out; the die has already been cast."

Nina: "What does that mean?"

Mother: "You have decided your fate in previous incarnations."

Nina: "Then what is the use of prayer?"

Mother: "If you need something, ask. Only remember that we cannot interfere with what must be."

Nina: "Should we bother to pray at all?"

Mother: "What is prayer?"

Nina: "Talking to God."

Mother: "There is nothing wrong with talking to God. God is your friend. God will always be a faithful friend, willing to listen."

Nina: "Is there anyone up there who can actually help?"

Mother: "We listen and send comfort in peace and calm. We reach you through your Guardian Angels, Spirit Guides, and ancestors. We send ideas that solve your problems. We send insight into dreams, and we send you signs. We get the right healers for you. We do all kinds of things to influence and persuade."

Nina: "I see. Just no changing the weather or averting catastrophes-major stuff like that."

Mother: "Nothing that would interfere with the law of Karma."

Nina: "What about aliens?"

Mother: "What about them?"

Nina: "Will they come to earth?"

Mother: "They already have! They've been coming to Earth before humans made an appearance. ETs are real. Anything in the sky that your government or military cannot explain could be alien."

Nina: "I mean, will they invade the earth?"

Mother: "They don't invite me to their meetings, so I don't know. If they attack Earth, I guarantee it will be a swift and silent attack. What enemy comes at you, guns a-blazing? That's an unintelligent strategy."

Nina: "Why haven't they attacked already?"

Mother: "Maybe they are already on the earth and you don't know it." 

Nina: "Are they?"

Mother: "That's their business. They are another civilization with power and technology all their own and I don't deal with them."

Nina: "Don't you care if they attack us?"

Mother: "What did I say about minding my own business? If an alien civilization attacks Earth, then the Gods will step in. Until then, we don't invite trouble."

Nina: "Are you confident you can handle it?"

Mother: (chuckles) "Who is God?"

Nina: "You said that God is everything."

Mother: "Does everything include aliens?"

Nina: "If aliens are part of the universe, then aliens are part of everything."

Mother: "If God's dream includes aliens, we can deal with that contingency."

Nina: "Aliens worry us because Hollywood movies are about aliens invading, so it's part of our consciousness." 

Mother: "Hollywood is playing on your worst fears. And fear sells."

Nina: "It doesn't sound like it will happen."

Mother: "It's a contingency; it's a possibility. But if they choose to invade, they must deal with us, because you are our children. Besides, this is God's dream. Do you think He wouldn't win in his own dream?"

Nina: "Can you read minds?"

Mother: "I'm not a mind reader." 

Nina: "It seems like you are, because as I am thinking about the next question you're already responding, but telepathically. How do you do that unless you're reading my mind?"

Mother:  “I can hear what you say to me telepathically. But if someone were to ask me, "What is Nina thinking?" I cannot tell them. I can hear whatever you tell me, just as in normal conversation. I am telepathic, but so are you, because you're hearing me now without using words, right?"

Nina: "Hey, I'm telepathic!"

Mother: "May we turn the page now?"

Nina: "I guess so. Thanks for indulging me."

Mother: "Can we talk about love?"

Nina: "Must we?"

Mother: "You've been disappointed by love."

Nina: "I've been disappointed with people, but especially in love. I've been unlucky in love."

Mother: "I wish I could tell you it will get easier, but when imperfect people are involved there will always be problems."

Nina: "Then why do it? Why not stay single? I'm happily single; at least my heart isn't broken."

Mother: "What if everyone thought this way? There would be no families, no children. Each person living in seclusion unto themselves."

Nina: "It sounds like a perfect world to me."

Mother: "There are some things you cannot get from seclusion. You cannot get help when needed, or a hug when you're down."

Nina: "I've lived alone for years and grown accustomed to drying my own tears. I learned how strong I was, and at first I was surprised that I could do it alone. It hasn't been easy, but at least I have peace."

Mother: "What is a heart for?"

Nina: "To feel?"

Mother: "A heart feels. It feels joy, sorrow, and all the delicious flavors in between. When you are alone, you don't feel much. Only with another person can you feel the heights and lows of living. When it's just you, you are only half alive."

Nina: "That’s true. My heart went into hibernation; I took my heart and tucked it away. It's in a state of suspended animation."

Mother: "You're here to experience life, even when it's messy, confusing, and painful. Pulling back from the battle is shielding yourself from life's arrows. You can live safely, or you can live greatly. Many people are single because they've given up. It is safer to be single."

Nina: "I've been through too many failed romantic relationships. I'm at the place and stage where I am content being alone. I'm at peace now. Life is predictable, calm-steady."

Mother: "Do you hear yourself?"

Nina: "It's my age. At a certain point peace becomes all-important. Is that so bad, to want peace?"

Mother: "It's understandable; it's just not you. You were the talkative, exuberant kid with all the questions. Where has she gone?"

Nina: "She stopped being enthusiastic when the last of her dreams were smashed."

Mother: "As I said, not who you are. I'm not scolding you; I'm making an observation."

Nina: "I didn't expect this to get so personal."

Mother: "The issues you suffer, everyone suffers. Why not allow your life to be a canvas for others to learn from?"

Nina: "What do I care anymore? My life is an open book."

Mother: "Stay open. You don't have to hunt up a companion; remain neutral. If it happens, you're open to it. If it doesn't, you're ok with that, too. Everything that comes into your life, good or bad, serves a purpose. Live by this motto: accept, accept, accept."

Nina: "If everything is a part of God's "dream," then it all emanates from the mind of God, which means it's always right for me. Is that what you are saying?"

Mother: "The word "yoga" translates as "union." That is the point of spirituality: union. Being united is the pinnacle of achievement. Freedom is important, but uniting is the only objective once you are free. Separation is the nature of freedom. For one to be free, they must be independent of constraints, mustn't they? A bird is free because it flies unrestrained. Once you've attained freedom, only joining remains."

Nina: "You're starting to sound like a guru, which means "dispeller of darkness."

Mother: "Devis are natural-born gurus."

                         

                            Message 2: God Is Dreaming

Mother: “You may reason, “If God is everything, God is both good and bad,” and you would be correct.”

Nina: “But if God is good, why does He allow evil?”

Mother: “This leads us to what I'll term "the dream." What you call reality, or the world you perceive when you are awake, is a dream. It is a drama that your soul casts onto the screen you call reality. The Sanskrit word "Leela" translates as "divine play, sport, or drama." You are a character in God’s dream, and you have the starring role. The drama centers on you, just as any play has a principal performer. You are generating the events in this dream."

Nina: “How can I be the creator if God is dreaming it?”

Mother: “This is where it gets…unbelievable, fantastic. But before you tune out what I’m about to say, admit first that the universe is full of unexplainable things beyond belief. When the scientists looked through an electron microscope for the first time they must have jumped up and rubbed their eyes, for there was a whole microscopic world of creatures that the naked eye could not see. When the astronomer looked through the telescope for the first time and saw a vast microcosm of stars, planets, and galaxies, what a shock! The most startling and important discoveries have been made into worlds hitherto unknown. If I answer your question about who is dreaming this dream, and you say, as the first astronomers did, “It cannot be that the earth revolves around the sun!” it is because your limited knowledge about the cosmos is confined to what you have been told, and the little that science has discovered about it. I cannot blame you for what you don’t know. If you’re only fed one food all your life, the taste of any other will seem foreign and wrong. So, I ask you to remember that your knowledge is limited, and what appears as reality may not be. Now-what if you are not only in the dream, but also the dreamer? What if God, who is having this dream, has taken on the disguise of you?”

Nina: “Aren’t I a human?”

Mother: “Yes, in this dream you appear as human, but that is not all you are. You see, you are a metaphysical being, not a physical being. You are part material substance: bones, muscles, brain, and part energetic, which is the soul. And that soul is what will live on after your physical body dies. Anything that perishes is not permanent (the body). Therefore, the body is not real.” 

Nina: “Wait-what do you mean?”

Mother: “I told you, it’s a brain buster. Follow this logic: If something is temporary, it has no lasting value, correct? Therefore, in the eternal scheme of things, a life of 70 or 80 years is relatively inconsequential. In the scope of eternity, your life is very temporary. Rather than say, ‘Your life is inconsequential,’ I would rather say that your work will become obsolete in time. A thousand years from now, which is a blink of time on eternity’s clock, all your efforts, everything you’ve produced, all your “immortality projects” will have vanished, including your progeny. From eternity’s perspective, we could say that you are not real because your life will have no lasting effect.”

Nina: “Ouch! That rather hurts. It may be true, but it is hard to hear. All I’ve worked for in a thousand years will be gone and no one will even remember that I even lived.” 

Mother: “Console yourself with this: while your efforts will fail the test of time, your soul will not, because your soul is eternal. The essence of you will go on.” 

Nina: “Is it all futile, then? If nothing I do makes any difference, why put myself out? Why not live for pleasure?”

Mother: “You should live for today! Live as if it were your last day. Enjoy every moment you are on this stage, for quickly; the curtain will fall.”

Nina: “And it will be “curtains” for me. Help me to understand what you mean when you say, ‘God has taken on the form of me in the dream.’ Are you saying that I am God?”

Mother: “I am saying that everything is God. You, me, the universe-it’s all part of God’s cosmic disguise.” 

Nina: “You are immortal. Yet even are you irrelevant?”

Mother: “Of course not, because I am as much God as you are.”

Nina: “You lost me.”

Mother: “God is disguising Himself as this Goddess to play the cosmic feminine role. God is disguising Himself as you to play the role of Nina, and He experiences through us. We are, by comparison to God, irrelevant, but relevant because we are part of God.”

Nina: “This makes no sense. Why does God want to experience evil? Why would a loving God want to inflict suffering upon His creation? Maybe God is a sadist. When you look at the suffering in the world it would be easy to conclude that.” 

Mother: “This answer will be mind-expanding, but again, try to keep an open mind. God doesn’t wish for anyone to suffer. God is purely a benevolent force. Therefore, when people die, they relate an experience of being in the presence of love. However, this world is God’s dream. For God’s dream to be eventful, the opposing forces of good and evil were introduced, and this only makes sense. If you were to see a movie with no conflict, no protagonist, would you say it was an interesting picture? Without conflict there is no reason to dream. What would be the point? Dreaming is for drama between good and evil, and resolution. Drama is a reenactment of opposing forces; that is the purpose of drama, to work out these conflicts. It is like the spice in your food-it is there to make it interesting. Without it, life would be bland and unexciting.”

Nina: “Isn’t there another way God could get His kicks? I don’t mean to sound irreverent, but the suffering on earth is immense.” 

Mother: “God’s dream is immense. God’s creativity and intelligence are beyond fathoming. He’s not going to have little dreams. His dreams are on a herculean scale. It all makes sense if you remember what I said: God is everything, and everything is God.”

Nina: “This is making my brain hurt. All I know is my little drama and that’s enough for me.” 

Mother: “You’re the one who asked. If you accept that your soul is a part of God, then it’s not a stretch to believe that you are God, disguised as you, because God is everything. If God is everything, there is nothing that God isn’t. Therefore, in reality, there is only God.”

Nina: “What happens when God wakes up?”

Mother: “When God awakens it is just like when you awaken. You wake up and realize it was a dream you were having, and return to reality. God will awaken one day and say, “What an incredible dream that was.”

Nina: “Whom is He talking to? Is there anyone with Him, or is it only God?”

Mother: “I like the questions you are asking, and I think it’s important that you know the truth. There are others with God.” 

Nina: “How can I go to Heaven if I am only a figment of God’s imagination?”

Mother: “God’s dream includes the death and resurrection of your soul, and its reincarnation. It’s all part of the divine play.” 

Nina: “Is Heaven only a dream?”

Mother: “Heaven is a real place within God’s mind. When God ceases to project it, Heaven, and even the cosmos will cease to exist.”

Nina: “So when God wakes up, that’s it for me?”

Mother: “No. You will always be a part of God, because you are God. Let us consider your dreams again. When you cease to dream, the characters in the dream disappear. Where do they go? Back into your subconscious where those characters can be resurrected in another dream. Have you ever dreamed the same thing twice? After you awoke from the first dream, the characters didn’t die; they were resurrected later in a subsequent dream.”

Nina: “I’m lost again.” 

Mother: “The part of God disguised as you is eternal so it can never die; the soul. It only wears different disguises. Nina is a female writer in this incarnation, but in the next, you’ll be disguised as something else. Yet, the essence of you, the piece of divinity that is you, never changes and will go on in one form or another.”

Nina: “I think I have a headache.”

Mother: “The implication of this information is profound. If what I say is true, that you are divine, it should change how you view yourself.”

Nina: “If I am God, what about the other actors in my life? Are they divine, too?”

Mother: “They are you, dressed up so you don’t recognize yourself.” 

Nina: “Ok-that’s it. This seems too much to believe.”

Mother: “I am not asking you to believe unthinkingly; I am asking you to use your reasoning abilities. If God is everything, then the other actors are God, too. If they are God, then they are you, and you are them.”

Nina: “I’m trying to wrap my head around this. I don’t know how science would prove this as true or false, because scientists are also actors in the dream. How do the actors realize they are only acting when they are a part of it?”

Mother: “You’ve asked a crucial question.”

Nina: “When I dream, I think it’s happening. I don’t stop during the dream and say, “Hey, that couldn’t have happened in real life; I must be dreaming.” I assume it to be real because it looks and feels real.” 

Mother: “This is the problem with science. It is part of the Leela so it cannot analyze life objectively. It tries hard to maintain objectivity, but science can only draw conclusions based on what is true within the dream. When you lucid dream, something alerts you that you’re dreaming. You awaken and remark, “I knew I was dreaming, and I woke myself up.” This is how death is. Your death is waking from the dream. But as your soul ascends from this plane to the next, other dimensions are part of the Leela. There are seven levels of the afterlife that God is dreaming simultaneously.”

Nina: “God is dreaming seven different dreams at once?”

Mother: “Yes. Not with one head, but many; with seven heads, each brain dreams a different dream. This is how God works. This is why the Hindus describe the Gods as having many heads and hands. These other dimensions are alternate realities that your science has speculated on.”

Nina: “Am I living more than one life?”

Mother: “You are projected throughout the cosmos.”

Nina: “I’m having difficulty telling what is real now.” 

Mother: “As you should. And yet, humans are so sure of themselves, just as each character of your dream is sure that it’s real life they are experiencing.” 

Nina: “Let me see if I understand this correctly. You are saying that God is having a dream of me. In this dream I think I am Nina, but I am actually God, the dreamer. When I dream, I am God having a dream of a dreamer (Nina), who also dreams.”

Mother: “Yes! Three is a magical number. God, you, and your dreamed self. The question is, which one is real?”

Nina: “Apparently, only God is real. I don’t know if I like being a figment of God’s imagination.” 

Mother: “What bothers you about it?”

Nina: “How am I valuable if I am not even real?” 

Mother: “Have you ever painted a painting, drawn, or sculpted? Written music, or played an instrument? I know you’ve written a book. All of these are acts of creation, are they not? Your books aren’t living; they’re non-sentient. But because art reflects the artist, your name is on every book. Likewise, when God creates, He endows his works of art with unique characteristics.”

Nina: “So, while I am a dreamed character, I am still unique.” 

Mother: “Yes. You are still you and will ever be you.” 

Nina: “That’s a relief.” 

Mother: “Each work of art is signed by the artist, right? You put your name on your books, so people know who to thank or who to throw tomatoes at. God’s signature is the soul.”

Nina: “Then explain this: if everyone and everything is God, why do we have free will? If life is a play, aren’t we following a script of some sort?”

Mother: “Right now you are making decisions that seem like free will to you. The truth is that a greater mind is dreaming. So yes, you have free will as much as you have free will in your dreams; exactly like that.”

Nina: “Are my decisions my own?”

Mother: “Ultimately, it is all God’s Leela, God’s play. I warned you; it is complicated. It is difficult to imagine how this works, but I’ve tried to explain it in ways that might be coherent to you.”

Nina: “I must think this through.”

Mother: “While you are digesting, I’d like to discuss past lives and how they fit into the scheme of things.”

Nina: “Now we are adding past lives to the mix? Ugh.”

Mother: “Each time you inhabit a body, whether in animal or human form, your outer form changes, but your soul does not. The soul, your essence, stays the same; it is unchanging. All sentient beings have a soul. Those who injure or kill animals without a good reason are incurring bad karma for themselves, for no soul has more value than another. This is because an animal soul in one incarnation may be a human in the next. A more knowledgeable soul is not more valuable than an ignorant soul, because all are God’s children, equally valuable.”

Nina: “Does this mean harming or killing an animal is as egregious as harming a human?”

Mother: “Harming any soul is wrong. Yet, human history is ripe with violence. It is due to ignorance that you attack each other. If you are all part of God, you should think before striking. Most animals only attack when provoked; every creature has a self-preservation instinct. Unless you are defending life, to take another life or even to injure another is egregious. Violence is a primitive response. Animals cannot be blamed, for they do not have language, while violent humans choose to act like animals. Anyone who refuses to use language to resolve conflict is taking the lazy way out. It’s time that humanity stopped acting as if ignorance was acceptable. It is inexcusable. There is no excuse to indulge your animal nature when there are so many teachers, books, and when you are connected electronically and globally. Anyone who excuses ignorance is a stubborn person who has mistaken the ego as being them; theirs is a case of mistaken identity.” 

Nina: “Mother, what about reincarnation?”

Mother: “Eastern religions and Orthodox Judaism accept reincarnation. The West does not want to consider reincarnation’s veracity because that would call into question their doctrines. However, I would like to point out that Christ spoke of reincarnation on a few occasions, so it is not to be dismissed, even by Christians. Jesus told his disciples that his cousin John the Baptist was Elijah the prophet (Matt. 111: 11-15, Matt. 7: 10-13, Mark 9:13). But Western theologians are quick to explain away whatever their tenets do not agree with. Reincarnation is the soul’s way of working off its karma, lifetime after lifetime. To give a soul one shot at life is expecting too much. It would be untoward of God to only give you one try. Reincarnation makes perfect sense when you see that the soul’s goal is perfection. I wonder what those rejecting sects would say if you asked them: “What is the purpose of the soul?” 

Nina: “I suspect the priests would answer, “For God’s glorification.” 

Mother: “And they would be correct, at least partially. Remember, this is God’s Leela. God could have played any number of ways, putting any characters He liked upon the earth. Why a human? He engineered your species to develop into an advanced life form, for human development interests Him. He likes to see things grow the way a gardener likes to plant a seed and watch His vegetable garden develop. So, humans were engineered for growth and progress. To excel, you needed to be given enough time to develop into an advanced species. Thus, the system of reincarnation.” 

Nina: “Reincarnation has always made more sense to me.”

Mother: “We have covered much ground. We’ve discussed your purpose on earth, what the soul is, your divinity, and reincarnation. This is a bright start. We will move on to more after I take a break. Gods need breaks, too. Join me again soon.” 

Message 3: Who Is Mother God?

Mother: "God is the creator, maintainer, and destroyer, and calls Himself "I AM." His Shakti, which translates to "activating energy," is His feminine side. Shakti energy, also known as Life Force Energy, Chi, or Prana, is vital for life. Every organism must breathe the breath of life to be alive. All of creation is the manifestation of the feminine power of Shakti. It is critical to comprehend Shakti energy since, as a female, you are endowed with this lifegiving force. Your anatomy was intended to give birth, breathing life into others, and to nourish the infant with your milk. It is a wonderful, magnificent reproductive-birthing system that has effectively populated your planet. If there was no life-giving energy, only lifeless, inanimate objects would exist. What a dead, sterile planet that would be. As a result, certain Hindu texts state that the Mother Goddess gave birth to God. They claim that Her supernatural abilities, or "magic" as the Egyptians termed it, created God.”

Nina: "The Bible leads us to believe that God was self-created. Why do you say He had a mother?"

Mother: "I will ask you a familiar riddle. What came first, the chicken, or the egg?"

Nina: "The Egyptian and Hindu scriptures say that God rose out of the primordial waters in an egg."

Mother: "Can an egg produce itself, or must it be produced?"

Nina: "An egg must be laid. According to the ancient Egyptians, the Mother Goddess Nut birthed God, whom they called Atum." 

Mother: "There are many versions of the creation story. But the Hindu Vedas tell that Prajapati (Brahma) was born from "the golden womb." Do males have wombs?"

Nina: "Not that I know of. So, God has a mother?"

Mother: “Everything has a mother, known as Shakti, or Life Force energy. Now let us discuss how my daughters should live, knowing that your role in creation is illustrious. As a female, many women choose to live a servile, second-class life, yet you were born with Shakti power. Most women let their vital force be taken from them, and the world will not improve unless you assume your due place alongside of men. You've been instructed to stay quiet, obedient, and do not think for yourself. You've been used for your body, and the pleasure it provides. What a waste! Now that you know who you are, there's no reason to hide in the shadows or sell yourselves short."

Nina: "Many men, especially those in power, and religious men, disapprove when women speak up. They ridicule, punish, and exclude. Since men are more influential than women, we have kept quiet, fearing retaliation."

Mother: "And where has it gotten you? Look at the sorry state of the world. Top-heavy and unbalanced with too much male energy. If you want the world to change you must stand up to the ridicule and retaliation." 

Nina: "I think there's a lot of angry minorities, including women. Our anger is what they ridicule."

Mother: "They don't want to face your questions, so they belittle you. When you have something to say, do what they do: appear unphased, and fight back."

Nina: "Don't let them see you sweat."

Mother: "Or do as I do-be clever. I let my enemies think they are winning all along but in the end, I silently out-maneuver them."

Nina: "Strategy, not anger."

Mother: "If you held yourself like a daughter of divinity, which you genuinely are, how would your life change if you started using your God-given cunning and courage?"

Nina: "I wouldn't second-guess myself so much. When I made the right decision, I would stand confident in my decision. I wouldn't be afraid to stand up to people who abuse their authority. Overall, I'd believe in myself and my right to have a voice."

Mother: "That sounds lovely to me. How does it sound to you?"

Nina: "Like a daughter of divinity."

Mother: "Let me tell you the true story of an Egyptian Goddess named Isis. Gods often represent an element of nature. Just as the astrological sign of Aquarius is the water-bearer, Isis is the fire-bearing one, yet she accomplished everything without anger. In all stories of her, though you call them myths, she outsmarted her adversaries." 

Nina: "It seems you are saying that women do not need to act masculine, but rather to use their Shakti power."

Mother: "Yes! Bring the light that will shine in the darkness of men's minds. Then we can attest: "We brought you the truth, but you hid from it." An ancient Egyptian fable in The Book of the Dead says that upon death, each person is taken to the Underworld where their heart is weighed against a feather. Paradise doesn't await you if your heart is heavier than a feather. You see, it is not your deeds that will be judged, but your heart. The scale will weigh heavy if your heart is full of hatred, jealousy, greed, and lust. You will be lighthearted if it is full of generosity, compassion, acceptance, and gratitude. This myth about the afterlife is a metaphor to help you understand what will matter at the time of death. 

Even those with good hearts have enemies, for it has always been the way of the world that when you tell the truth, you'll gain more enemies than friends. The world is full of deceitful people who have existed since the beginning of time. Even for Gods, revenge is first nature, for striking back is an automatic response. Your brain will defend you if it's kill or be killed. There is no such thing as a passivist. Your drive to live will prove it. Gods, angels, and mortals all have the will to live flowing in our veins. I take revenge upon my enemies, but only on those who strike the first blow. I warn you, never be the aggressor."

Nina: "Mother, what can we do to receive your help when needed?"

Mother: "When you were a child, the adults directed you; otherwise you would have been lost. It is no different today. You must listen to the voice within."

Nina: "I get confused about what is divine direction, and what is my own."

Mother: "When a child receives its mother's direction, how does it know its mother?"

Nina: "It knows her voice." 

Mother: "Likewise, you must be able to distinguish the divine voice by listening for it."

Nina: "Stick close to the divine voice."

Mother: "If you are full of your own plans and schemes will there be room for a second opinion."

Nina: "I've always had plans and goals for my life, which doesn't leave much room for alternates."

Mother: "Who makes these plans?"

Nina: "I do. Well, my brain does. Or perhaps my ego."

Mother: "The ego is merely your will. Minus your will, there is no ego. The ego is not the enemy. It gives you many advantages. You'd be lost without a sense of who you are and what you want. The ego isn't all bad. It orients you, and brings you meaning. But it's not all good, either. It can steer you in the wrong direction. This is when it's crucial to have a captain aboard who can say, "If you go that way, you'll run aground."

Nina: "The voice that cautions us. The problem is that even when I hear it I have often doubted it, or worse, ignored it."

Mother: "Which is why you are here. You are learning to listen." 

Nina: "We are like wayward children." 

Mother: "If you are trying to follow your inner voice, you're ahead of most people who don’t listen at all." 

Nina: "In the past, I have not listened because it was telling me something hard to hear, or something I didn't think I was ready for."

Mother: "Until you ran aground and busted holes in your ship."

Nina: (Laughing) "Yes. Until I got hurt, or I hurt someone else. Getting hurt sure is a hard way to learn."

Mother: "Next time you are sinking, call for help."

Nina: "We're not a very clever race, are we?" 

Mother: "Not when you're trying to do it your way. That is why the Egyptians called on many different Gods; life is resplendent with problems."

Nina: "Religion has caused so much suffering, Mother. So many people don't believe in God. Can you blame them? The church has let them down." 

Mother: "Other people will always let you down, so look to a higher power. God is not a religion-remember that."

Nina: "Having a personal connection with God seems important." 

Mother: "Without it, you're on your own. Peace is found at the center of you, and this is the Soul, an oasis in the desert of life."

Nina: "May I ask about the topic of death? When a person dies, do they stick around?"

Mother: "Realize that while they have died, this person still lives. Their Soul, their essence, lives fully in another dimension, which is to say, like the next room. Loved ones don't stop caring about you because they enter the next room, do they? Imagine if your child had entered her room and you began weeping for her because you couldn't see her. She would think you were crazy! She would rush to your side and say, "Mother, I'm right here! What's the problem?" So, talk to them as if they are still with you because, in the spiritual realm, they can hear and can be with you in the blink of an eye."

Nina: "When my daughter first died, I always talked to her. I had to; I needed time to let go. But eventually I realized she had another life on the Other Side, separate from mine. I couldn't be calling her to hold my hand every day. It was like she'd gone to college, only she had gone to the afterlife, a spiritual school. I comforted myself knowing that she was learning, growing, and happy. She was spreading her wings, and I have tried to be glad for her. But it takes time to let go."

Mother: "You were learning to trust your loved one to God."

Nina: "Mother, why does there have to be death?"

Mother: "Imagine the reality of never dying, of this life continuing indefinitely and no matter what you did death never came. It is like being given only one set of clothes for eternity."

Nina: "No, I don't wish to be trapped in this one life forever." 

Mother: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Christ, Matt. 5:4). He didn't mean here on earth. He meant that you will see your loved ones again in the afterlife, and then you will be comforted." 

Nina: "Why do some people have painful lives, while others sail through with nothing but blessings?"

Mother: "Nobody lives a pain-free existence. It's just that some individuals are better at concealing their misery, and still others choose to be appreciative and focus on the good. But there isn't a soul on Earth who hasn't suffered. Your pain may differ from someone else's, but don't compare, since your experience is unique to you.”

Nina: "It does seem that some people are living the high life."

Mother: "And you are not?"

Nina: "My karma doesn’t include riches. Though I've always had what I needed, and I am grateful for that." 

Mother: "There are other ways to be rich, my dear. You have been given an abundance of gifts and talents. In this life you were given musical ability, the ability to write, academic achievement, and wisdom, the richest gift. You have even enjoyed more notoriety than most people through your books. Money is not the only measure of wealth."

Nina: "When you look at it that way, I guess I am rich!"

Mother: "May I turn the page? I want to chat about aesthetics. Aesthetics relates to the attractiveness of your surroundings. Aesthetics are crucial, since having a beautiful home will make it a haven. Too many individuals consider their residence as a matter of utility—only where they eat and sleep."

Nina: "Funny that you should mention that. I've been redecorating lately, the place needed to be spruced up. Were you influencing me?"

Mother: “The answer is yes; my presence gave you a boost. Artistic themes appeal to the feminine mentality. However, some males are better at aesthetics than women because they possess the feminine decorating skill. There is no "men's" or "women's" labor. Consider the power that runs through your home. It moves easily from one electric appliance to another, doesn't it? Prana operates the same way. Your brain is fueled by an electric current. These currents might be gentle and welcoming, or forceful and aggressive, and you can tap into both forms of energy. Nobody is consistently all passive or aggressive, all masculine or feminine. Creativity is feminine energy. But a sensitive artist can also be male. Imagine a world without art and music--how dreary! Making your nest welcoming and pleasant can provide you happiness and a sense of serenity, both of which are essential. Use your feminine energy to enhance your environment.

War is the opposite of creativity. Creatives build, while warlords destroy. Humanity's past is a catalogue of devastation. The world has had enough conflict! Male energy is powerful, and force is required to get the job done. However, when things are carried too far, conflict ensues. I have no patience for battle; let the warlords fall on their own swords. Bring forth the feminine energies of creation and development. I bless anyone who follows the path of peace and beauty. However, conflict will continue until mankind matures, at which point the old techniques of making war will be forgotten. In the future, people will regard violence and manipulation as outdated practices employed by sub-humans. Name any terrible dictators that have been remembered fondly.”

Nina: “Is it right to defend yourself? Even to use violence?"  

Mother: "If it is a matter of kill or be killed, you will always strike back, for the survival instinct is automatic. If it is a righteous cause, you mustn't run from a battle. But it takes no thinking to ruin; anyone can demolish something. To build takes skill."

Nina: "I am so sickened by humanity's obsession with killing, money, and sex that I no longer want to be near humans. My favorite "person" is my pet! I've withdrawn to a tranquil and uncomplicated existence. It might be lonely at times, but at least I'm not angered, frustrated, or wounded. Is it wrong to be so tired of humanity?”

Mother: "You must not accept abuse, as it is degrading. That's the dividing line. If you have been waiting for apologies that will never come, and you know they will never come, you must accept these individuals as they are. See their shortcomings and vulnerabilities and feel sorry for them. They lash out because they are in anguish, and for that you might feel sympathy."

Nina: "What if I cannot?"

Mother: "Resentment poisons the heart.”

Nina: "But if I open myself to the same people, they'll hurt me again." 

Mother: "Do not put your heart on a plate to be trampled. Make courteous small chat, just like you would with anybody else. In this way you may include people in your life while yet protecting yourself."

Nina: "We shouldn’t have deep relationships?"

Mother: "Only with trustworthy individuals. When a stranger knocks upon your door you are careful not to let them in since you don't know if they will rob you. If someone has violated your trust, open the door, but do not let them inside. Everyone, and I mean everyone, must earn your trust before you allow them access to your life.”

Nina: "I am afraid you are correct; I have given access too quickly." 

Mother: "Gradually introduce individuals into your life. If they show no cause to halt, you can open the door wider. However, if you notice a "red light," it is a warning that should not be ignored. Those early warnings indicate deeper problems that may arise later. When actions cause you to hesitate, back up rather than move forward. Do not go ahead without thinking because it will hurt you in the end."

Nina: "I've made these mistakes; I ignored early warning signs."

Mother: "Promise me that from now on you will proceed carefully and slowly." 

Nina: "I'll remember, thank you." 

Mother: “You expressed being disappointed in individuals, and I'd like to address that. If your happiness depends on others, you're doomed to suffer heartbreak. Because every person, no matter how amazing they are, has blind spots. Some people's blind spots are so large that they dominate their whole life, such as someone suffering from an addiction. Others have a blind spot in one region. I call them blind spots because the individual is too close to see the problem. You realize you have a nose on your face, but you can't see it without a mirror since you're too near. People with blind spots are not always evil people.”

Nina: "The longer I live, the more I see what a difficult planet this is."

Mother: "As you say, “It is not for sissies."    

 Message 4: Spirituality and Science

Mother: “Everyone wants to know about the future. Oracles and religions predict the future, and scientists worry about it. They all have warned you about what is to come, but they can only see so far. Who should you believe—psychics, religion, or science? I tell you, don't believe any of them.”

Nina: "We shouldn't believe in science?" 

Mother: "Your greatest and brightest scientists continue to work with inadequate presuppositions and conjectures. For example, consider the Theory of Relativity. Einstein's theory is the cornerstone of contemporary physics since it provides the best explanation for matter, antimatter, and energy. But what if a scientist comes along and shows Einstein's theory to be grossly incomplete? What if a new theory renders Einstein's work obsolete? It would affect everything, since human society is based on scientific rules like gravity. So, when a scientist offers a forecast, keep in mind that it may not be the final answer. In the past, scientists believed they had the last say. However, none of these outstanding brains could have predicted the technical advances of the modern age that would make their work obsolete. And I assure you that change will happen faster and faster, bringing astonishing and unimaginable changes. For example, mankind seeks to colonize a new planet because its survival is threatened. You have been to the moon, and soon humanity will be on the surface of Mars. However, there is one certainty that science cannot account for, and that is extraterrestrial life.”

Nina: "Can't we stick to a less controversial topic?"

Mother: "You want to know the future, don't you?"

Nina: "I am not sure." 

Mother: “You have nothing to fear from other civilizations since the universe's positive Force determines who gets access to the Earth, and who does not. A few flying saucers have fallen, but a full-scale invasion will not occur unless God allows it. What you dread most about aliens is the unfamiliar and weird, as well as death. In fact, you know nothing about extraterrestrial civilizations, so why are you concerned about something you don't understand? I dare you all to be less frightened. When you think of the future, I hope you remember these words: God is in control. "This Is My Father's World" is an old song sung in Christian churches that remains relevant today. Think of this.

No army on Earth is powerful enough to resist invisible invaders that can manipulate your mind. Therefore, no matter the terrors you may face, you must have confidence that you are God's treasured child. Furthermore, when you are fearful, you make blunders. A tranquil mind accepts instruction far more effectively than a disordered one. Train yourself to respond calmly and coolly to danger and believe that your soul can never be destroyed. God knows what the future holds. It is His dream. When the dream becomes a nightmare, God will awaken, beckoning us back to safety, back to His heart where we began.”

Nina: "It is easy to forget that this world, with its terrors and delights, is only a dream. How do we keep that in mind?"

Mother: "When you watch a movie, you forget about yourself and your troubles. Isn't that why people enjoy movies, because they offer a respite from reality?"

Nina: "Yes. You forget yourself and experience the drama and emotion of the characters."

Mother: "Life is the drama, and you are watching it play out. But if you get too engrossed, emotion takes over and you forget you are safely in your living room recliner. The trick is to step back from the drama enough to recall, "That's right, this is not real; this is a movie I am watching." 

Nina: "Meditation, prayer, chant, being in nature, being artistic-these are the things that allow me to clear my mind."

Mother: “Humanity’s biggest difficulty is that they feel independent and solitary even though everything is inextricably linked. Physicists refer to this phenomenon as “quantum entanglement.” When you look in the mirror, you see only one person. If you understand that you are not a "lone" individual but rather part of an endless coalition of souls, one light in a string of billions of lights, you will not feel as solitary. You do not understand this oneness."

Nina: "It is difficult to accept that I am part of God. Is there any evidence of this?"

Mother: "Your heart longs to be loved. No matter how black, every heart needs to be loved by someone. By love, I mean cared for. Even the monk who sequesters himself looks to God for love. Why do you have this need to be loved? Because God is love, and you are part of God, so you long to be loved. The love in you shows what you are made of." 

Nina: "I like the idea that we are all made of love. Sadly, many people don't seem to realize this." 

Mother: "They don't know because you are living in the age of Kali, when dark becomes as light." 

Nina: "How do we get this world turned around, or is it too late?"

Mother: "Let the Gods worry about the world. If everyone focuses on improving themselves, the world will change, one person at a time." 

Nina: "I am still trying to digest that the world is God's bad dream." 

Mother: "God will have other dreams, better dreams; He may be having one now. But you happen to be in this one." 

Nina: "Why am I in this one?" 

Mother: "This version of you needed to experience this script. Another version of you is experiencing a different script."

Nina: "How can God dream more than one dream simultaneously?"

Mother: "God's brain is capable of much more than yours.”

Nina: "You are a powerful Goddess. Do God's capabilities surpass your own?"

Mother: "Is the created greater than the Creator?" 

Nina: "No. Can you explain again what we are supposed to be learning?"

Mother: “Each of you has a Life Theme. One person learns about forgiveness, while another learns to stand up for themselves. One person learns about wealth, and the next learns from poverty. There is no standard lesson." 

Nina: "What if we resist and don't learn?"

Mother: "Then you've wasted your time, and the time of those around you. This is the greatest failure, to waste the opportunity you’ve been given." 

Nina: "Would I have to repeat the lesson?" 

Mother: "This is what reincarnation is for. You get a million chances, should you need them."

Nina: "Is there any time limit?" 

Mother: "The Universe keeps expanding. Time keeps growing for a reason." 

Nina: "Will time stop, and the cosmos stop growing when everyone has learned their lesson?"

Mother: "Why would it need to continue, in that case? If your child learns their school lessons, they graduate, don't they?"

Nina: "How long before we are all ready to graduate?"

Mother: "Only God knows such things."

Nina: "I have learned many lessons in this life. Among them is that I cannot save anyone; they must do that themselves. It has been a painful lesson because I want to help people."

Mother: "Some people didn't want your help." 

Nina: "Some refused to grow.”

Mother: "If you always rescue them, how will they learn to take responsibility for themselves? Rescuing isn't as helpful as you think; you rob them of self-efficacy."

Nina: "I've learned that the hard way. When someone asks for my help, I can give it. But I cannot make anyone see what they don't wish to see."

Mother: "What is another lesson you have learned, child?"

Nina: "I've learned that money can't buy happiness. I am happier when there is less to worry about. And I have learned that being alone is better than living in turmoil." 

Mother: “All big lessons. What else have you learned?"

Nina: "I have learned that the world will drive me insane if I take it too seriously. You must remember to laugh and enjoy." 

Mother: "I can see you have been a good student. What is a lesson you are still working on?"

Nina: "I choose to feel safe or unsafe; it is up to me. I can live in fear or be fearless; the choice is mine. A lion feels safe because it is unafraid, not because it always wins the fight. Our belief in our capabilities makes us a lion, or a lamb."

Mother: "Well said."

Nina: "I have learned that there are a lot of so-called victims in the world. I am not talking about real victims. Some people play the victim, so they don't have to change. They don't have to take responsibility if it is someone else's fault." 

Mother: "They have been taught they are lambs, and not a lion." 

Nina: "Mother, this world seems to have gone wrong. I wish I were in a different dream."

Mother: "Not even the longest dream lasts forever, child."

                                                Message 5: Surrender

Nina: “I feel I would have accomplished more had I believed in myself from the start. How do we believe in ourselves?”

Mother: “Belief in oneself is a matter of understanding one's actual identity.”

Nina: “We all feel “not good enough” on occasion.”

Mother: "You are surely good enough, my child. If you recall every minute that you are the daughter (or son) of divinity, you will consider yourself as royalty since your mother is the Queen of Heaven. "How does it feel to be a princess?"

Nina: “Honestly, it is hard to relate to that description when I can’t even find a date.”

Mother: “It is only that some people cannot see your crown. The right people will see it; I see it. Even if nobody sees it, does it make you any less royal?”

Nina: “Not according to you. What if I’m the only one who realizes my worth?”

Mother: “Is your worth predicated upon others’ approval?”

Nina: “Yes! That may not be the spiritual answer, but everyone needs someone who thinks they are special.” 

Mother: “I think you are special.”

Nina: “That’s because you’re my Mother. You have to say that.”

Mother: “No, I don’t. Do you really believe you are not someone special?”

Nina: “I suppose the problem is that I forget. When there’s nobody to love me, I mean, no human, I feel…empty.” 

Mother: “What is emptiness?”

Nina: “It’s a lack of reassurance. We all need that, Mother. I appreciate you expressing that I am worthwhile but it’s not the same as being loved by another person.”

Mother: “No, it is not. And yes, you were meant to be loved. So being single is not all it’s cracked up to be, huh?”

Nina: “You keep calling my bluff.”

Mother: “As a caring mother would.”

Nina: “What do I do to find my special someone?”

Mother: “Do you believe what I said that everything that comes is meant for you?”

Nina: “I believe that.”

Mother: “Then can you let go and trust your karmic team, knowing we have the answers and when it is time, they will be sent. This is known as faith.” 

Nina: “Have faith that what is meant for me will come at the right time. I need to trust more, and worry less.”

Mother: “Those words are music to my ears. If only the rest of the world knew that they are protected by a Divine Mother. However, trusting demands surrender. Most individuals only surrender when someone jams a pistol in their side."

Nina: “So, life is an exercise in surrender. It’s scary to trust someone with your life, especially God. After all, you cannot see God.”

Mother: “Are you trusting God when you surrender, or aren’t you ultimately trusting yourself?” 

Nina: “If I am God in disguise, as you’ve said, then I am only surrendering to myself. That’s mind-bending.”

Mother: “You are surrendering to your Higher Self. The version of you that is the most intelligent; the wisest and most developed.”

Nina: “It’s laughable that we are so afraid of surrendering when it is in our best interest.”

Mother: “Bingo. Only fear keeps you from trusting.”

Nina: “This whole conversation has made me shake my head at how thick humans are. And it seems that we learn so slowly. I’m back to being discouraged with humanity.”

Mother: “It’s not over yet. The human story deserves a happy ending, wouldn’t you agree?” 

Nina: “That is a romantic notion, that every story deserves a happy ending. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Mother: “Don’t you think you’re worth that? Give us time to pull things together. Good things take time.”

Nina: “I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your insight.”

Mother: “Stay in a place of surrender. And when I say surrender, I mean keep your heart open while keeping your hands off. Do you understand?”

Nina: “Yes. It’s a tall order, but I can try.”

Mother: “That’s all we are asking.”

Message 6: Changing the World

Mother: “There is only one way to change the world, and that is one person at a time. And that first person must be you, of course.”

Nina: “Is that why we have been talking about my personal life?”

Mother: “You only learn through your personal experiences, don’t you?”

Nina: “If you mean does the world evolve around me? In my universe, yes, it does.”

Mother: “The world is egocentric to you, and to everyone. You can only see through your eyes, smell and taste by your nose and mouth, and touch by your hands. All stimuli is filtered through the 5 gates of the senses. Therefore, each one of you experiences the world differently. This is why you like a food that someone else does not, because you experience it uniquely. But because each person only knows their own preferences, they assume that everyone should like what they like. Everyone should worship their way, every male should look a fixed way, and females another way. Everyone should vote the way they do, have the same level of education, be in the same social class, and so on. When ethnocentricity occurs there is little tolerance for differences and people choose sides. Suddenly what was a garden filled with a variety of vegetables, fruits, and flowers begins to wither, and soon will die due to the poor conditions. While it is natural to cherish one’s own opinions, it is not healthy to reject others because they experience the world differently from you.”

Nina: “I liked the illustration of humanity being like a garden made of many different varieties. How do we get united again?”

Mother: “There is one sure-fire, instant uniter. Countries are united when there is a common enemy threatening them.”

Nina: “As in times of war.”

Mother: “Yes.”

Nina: “Too bad it takes war for us to work together.”

Mother: “This is human nature. After the threat has expired, the same groups drift apart into separate political parties, and the cycle starts all over again. It is a predictable pattern.”

Nina: “I repeat, humans are not very smart.”

Mother: “I prefer to say that humans are forgetful.”

Nina: “Why do you have an inexhaustible amount of patience for us? Don’t you get fed up with our stupidity?”

Mother: “An immortal is around long enough to see the highs and lows and realizes it is all temporary. I know this is not your destination; I know you will go on to do great things. I do not see you in part, I see you in the whole.”   

Nina: “Humans are notoriously short-sighted. Really, all we can see is today.”

Mother: “Which is why spiritual teachers have encouraged you to live in the moment. Leave the heavy lifting to us. It is like a child riding in a car. They do not worry how they will get there, they leave that to the adults. Likewise, you must remember to simply enjoy the journey.”

Nina: “I worry all the time about how things will unfold: do I have enough gas, do I have the right map, have I packed enough, will I get there on time, on and on. Yet, you are saying trust that I will arrive safely.”

Mother: “You aren’t alone, most humans worry themselves to death.”

Nina: “We do not have the vantage point you do. Our information is so limited.”

Mother:  “But once you get to know God, you will begin to see that you are cared for. Your faith will begin to grow and you will trust more, and worry less.”

Nina: “In every religion, it is about faith. Faith that God is a good Father. Or Mother. Whatever way you want to think of God.”

Mother: “If it is easier for you to conceptualize God as father, fine. If it is easier to think of God as the divine Mother, fine. God is not offended if you call It The Great Spirit, or Source, or the I Am. You could even call God a giant carrot; I don’t think God would be offended, if you liked carrots. You know, your ancestors worshiped nature. They assigned divine characteristics to statues, trees, rocks, the sun and the moon, and worshiped it as God, because they could not see God. It is easier to worship a representation of God rather than thin air, isn’t it? Don’t you think God knows this?”

Nina:  “This is what I was trying to explain to my Christian mother. But she thinks it is idol worship.”

Mother: “Do you believe that the statue on your altar is actually God?”

Nina: “No. I believe it represents God, like a crucifix represents Jesus.”

Mother: “Then you would be wrong. It is God. So are you. So is your Mother.”

Nina: “Yes-I forgot again. Everything is God. Boy, we humans sure do get things mixed up. It is because we live in the material world and easily forget that God is everything, and everything is God.”

Mother: “When you say your prayers with the statue on your altar, you are visually reminding yourself that God is listening. Is that right?”

Nina: “That is exactly right. Just as Catholics do. Are they idol worshippers, too?”

Mother: “According to some people. Your Mother is only repeating what she has heard the pastor say. Or she is repeating what she has read in the Old Testament Bible. But who said those things in the Bible? Was it Christ? Christ warned against worshiping money, and that is all. So it depends upon who your authority is, who are you listening to. You see, Jesus knew that greed would replace God faster than anything in the human heart.”

Nina: “I used to believe what Christianity teaches, that all the Bible was God-breathed and God-inspired, until I realized that the Bible condoned slavery (Exodus 21: 5-6) and harsh punishment of women (Duet. 25: 11-12) (Lev. 15: 19-21) (Num. 5). Now I only believe what Jesus said.”

 Mother: “These men lived 2,000 years ago! Of course their cultural norms and opinions made their way into their writing.”

Nina: “In all religions, mankind has polluted the original teachings. There is nothing men have touched that has not been tainted.”

Mother: “Including the earth.”

Nina: “Especially the earth. What can each person do to help Mother Gaia?”

Mother: “As far as your species goes, She is already ruined. She is like a servant who was raped and then tossed away. Ask her to serve her master again, and she will not.”

Nina: “What does that mean?”

Mother: “It means she has had enough. She cannot provide any more for you than she already has.”

Nina: “Does that mean there is nothing we can do to restore Her health?”

Mother: “Whatever you do will not be enough. She has passed the tipping point.”

(The Earth’s surface temperature has already increased by nearly 1.2C compared with the average in 1850–1900. We are on track to reach the much feared 1.5C threshold between 2026 and 2042 in a scenario where emissions are not rapidly reduced). Earth.org, 2025.

Nina: “Ultimately, what will happen to humanity?”

Mother: “That is certainly up to humanity. Of course, they will reap what they have sewn. That is the Farmer’s Law. What you plant, you also reap.”

Nina: “Our future does not look very bright. I have wondered of aliens will come to save the planet.”

Mother: “And how would they do that?”

Nina: “Introduce new technology that can shield us from, or reverse Global Warming.”

Mother:  “Or they could get rid of what has been spoiling the Earth.”

Nina: “I suppose they could. But if they wanted to wipe us out, wouldn’t they have done that  already?”

Mother: “You bring up an important point. Before you detonated the nuclear bombs, that would have been the perfect time to intervene. Even then they refrained. Almost as if there was a treaty between humans and the aliens.”

Nina:  “President Eisenhour is said to have brokered a deal with an alien species that said: You do not interfere with our military, and share your technology with us, and in turn you can abduct humans for your experiments.”

Mother: “Do you believe this myth?”

Nina: “I certainly believe in aliens, since the U.S. Government has admitted to UFOs. And I believe aliens have abducted humans to study them. I also believe there is an alien-human hybrid program. It seems logical that our government has made agreements with them.”

Mother: “If the world’s countries have longstanding agreements with alien races, do you need to fear that these races will invade without warning?”

Nina: “I suppose not, unless a species goes rouge and breaks the agreements.”

Mother: “That is right. So you have less to fear than you thought when it comes to aliens.”

Nina: “That is a relief because that worry is always in the back of my mind.”

Mother: “And why is that?”

Nina: “Because civilizations that have lived millions or trillions of years would be light years ahead of us in knowledge and technology. There is no way to defend against that. What would happen if a Hitler-type leader breaks these rules of engagement?”

Mother: “If a rouge leader were to use their military or nuclear weapons against the aliens, it could start an interplanetary war.”

Nina: “Good God, who would be foolish enough to think they could win against such highly advanced civilizations?”

Mother: “Hitler thought he could conquer the world. And look where he is now.”

Nina: “I hope he is where he belongs, in Hell.”

Mother: “So you see, my dear child, God is the moral guardrail that keeps the universe in check. Over the march of time, imbalances develop between good and evil. But always the two forces come back into alignment. Always, good trumps evil. Remember that.”

Nina: “The more important question is, how do I change myself?”

Mother: “The pinnacle of human achievement is to evolve. You might think it involves struggle and discipline, that it will require long hours in meditation, or a spiritual study program. Or you may believe that education is the key to rapid evolution, or a guru or spiritual advisor. You may guess that altruism will transform you into a more divine being. And while all these things are helpful to your development, none of them will change your life and outlook the way acceptance can. You have been taught to believe that hard work and effort are necessary to get ahead in life. While there is nothing wrong with giving it your all, this is not the key that unlocks your potential, or what will magnetically draw the things you really want in life. Only acceptance can do that, so let us discuss it.”

Nina: “You’ve got my attention.”

Mother: “When you strive for something, it is the opposite of accepting. If you win a prize, if you win a contest, you do not earn it. It is given to you. You are selected, and the trophy or medal or ribbon is awarded, right?”

Nina: “Yes.”

Mother: “Life is like that judge. It walks along the auditorium floor looking at all the entries. There are many fine products but only one grand prize can be given. The judge notices what attitude each contestant has. Many contestants have worked like dogs and are pointing out their entries as the judge walks past. The judge smiles graciously but keeps moving past. Other contestants look dejected and deflated with their heads down and eyes lowered. They don’t think they can win because the competition is steep, and the judge keeps moving. After passing hundreds of contestants who are either overly confident or discouraged, he stops in front of the one contestant who doesn’t even notice him. She is filing her nails, looking completely relaxed, and oblivious. She is not creating any resistance through her negativity, neither is she trying to control the situation. Instead, she has made up her mind to willingly accept whatever the judge says. If he chooses her entry, it’s wonderful! If not, she knows it was not meant to be. Either way, she is at peace with the outcome. She trusts that the universe knows what is best for her. Who do you think won the contest?” You see, the universe does not care who has the best product. It does not care who worked the hardest. And it does not matter how discouraged we are. It will pick the person who completely trusts. It will pick the person who accepts the judge’s decision. The one who adopts the philosophy of: whatever comes is alright (Sri Anandamayi Ma) will magnetize what they need and want to them.”

Nina: “I have tried applying this philosophy of accepting everything whether good or bad, and I admit, it is very difficult. As you said, we are taught to earn our keep, and to strive until we get what we want.”

Mother: “Anyone who thinks this is easy to do should practice it for a day. It takes practice because it is completely opposite from what society teaches. The other component of the philosophy of acceptance is to keep quiet. You are not socialized in the West to regularly observe silence. But to protect your peace, you must be quiet. Excessively talkative people lose their emotional equilibrium. Once you have lost that inner stillness it is easy to slip into negative emotions. It has a domino effect.”

Nina:  “I don’t know why, but it seems Westerners are phobic about being quiet. It makes them feel uncomfortable.”

Mother: “Who do meet in the quiet?”

Nina: “Yourself. Your feelings.”

Mother: “It is not the quiet they avoid, but the truth.”

                                      Message 7: Anger at God

Mother: “This may seem like a strange topic, being angry at God, when in fact it is an exceedingly common problem. And I fear as the world inches ever closer to the brink of disaster, as circumstances become increasingly difficult, anger at God will only increase. So let us calmly and logically discuss this issue and see if we cannot understand each other. Perhaps you could start by telling me why you are angry at God.”

Nina: “I am not angry at you, Mother. But recently I prayed and made an offering, asking God to intervene by healing a friend from a physical problem that seemed simple to me. I asked my friend to pray with me, but God did not answer our prayers. My friend does not pray or meditate so this would have been the perfect moment to show her that God cared. But no, our prayers were ignored. Why? Why even pray if we get no real help?”

Mother: “And has this happened before that you prayed and nothing happened in response?”

Nina: “Nothing happens all the time. I fear I have been wasting my time. Plus, the wicked prosper in this world, and not the good-hearted. Why?”

Mother: “You are describing injustice. This is the reason that people have stopped praying. It does not change anything.”

Nina: “Yes! You understand the situation perfectly.”

Mother: “While I am sympathetic to your feelings and perspective, let us look with a critical eye at your statements. First, you mentioned that you have been praying but God has not heard your prayers.”

Nina: “Yes.”

Mother: “Can God not hear you?”

Nina: “I don’t think so. Either God cannot hear me, or does not care, which is worse.”

Mother: “If you trust me, will you trust when I say that since God is everything, God hears every word, even every sigh? Your prayers are being heard.”

Nina: “You know God better than I do, so I believe you.”

Mother: “It is not a matter of hearing, for God’s hearing is omniscient, meaning God is everywhere. Rather, God may not answer because it has to do with your karma, or thiers. Recall that God does not transgress the law of karma: what you sew, you reap.”

 Nina: “How is relieving someone’s symptoms tied to karma?”

Mother: “Your health is a part of your karma, a big part. Other areas include your family, your friendships, your relationships, your job, your finances…so many areas of your life are involved in your karma. Your spiritual life, your talents and abilities, your temperament…you can see how far-reaching karma is.”

Nina: “I see that.”

Mother: “Your friend’s physical symptoms are part of her karma, and your relationship is karmic, for you have known each other in past lives. Because we, meaning divine beings, have taken an oath not to disturb the natural chain of events, your friend’s prayer could not be answered.”

Nina: “I can understand that. Then why even pray? Jesus said for us to pray. What good can it do?”

Mother: “Does it feel good to talk to somebody that you know is listening and who cares?”

Nina: “Yes, of course. There are times when we wish we had someone to talk to who could keep a secret.”

Mother: “God is that somebody.”

Nina: “But if no help is coming, why waste our breath?”

Mother: “Let me ask you, should your partner, a family member, or a friend intervene when you need help, or do you mostly talk to them to express frustration and find encouragement?”

Nina: “Sometimes I want their help. But mostly, I just want them to listen.”

Mother: “This is how you must treat God. As a good listener, as a faithful friend. Not as a machine who delivers a solution.”

Nina: “It sounds like you are saying that we are on our own when it comes to problems.”

Mother: “That is inaccurate. You are definitely not on your own. In fact, you are hardly ever alone. Let me explain. When it seems you are alone, other dimensions, higher, and even lower spiritual dimensions, can hear you. Picture it this way. Have you ever been in an apartment where you can hear your neighbors? Perhaps you heard your upstairs neighbors stomping around. Or your downstairs neighbors were slamming doors, or talking. You could not hear exactly what they were saying, but you were aware they were there. “

Nina: “Yes, I have lived in quite a few apartments.”

Mother: “Ok. The spirit realm is made of layers. These layers are known to scientists as dimensions, or frequencies. Within these dimensions are living beings, or souls. They exist not physically, but as a frequency or vibration. Are you still with me?”

Nina: “Yes.”    

Mother: “Essentially, for your understanding, the beings exist above, and below like layers of an apartment building.”

Nina: “Ok.”

Mother: “Even though they are not visible to you, when it seems you are completely alone, you are not. There are countless souls all around in various dimensions.”

Nina: “Ok.”

Mother: “When you pray, your prayers are heard by any member of your karmic team which live directly above or below you. We could say your prayers are heard by the closest members of your karmic team.”

Nina: “Ok. Sort of an intercom system?”

Mother: “Yes. The other members of your karmic team know when other members of your karmic team are attending to you.”

Nina: “If they are not attending to me, how do they know?”

Mother: “Because they volunteered to be on your team. When they are needed, your voice becomes clear to them so they understand the problem you are faced with, and they visit you.”

Nina: “This all sounds great, and I appreciate their help, but why have a karmic team if my problems do not get resolved.”

Mother: “Remember that I said you must resolve problems created by you, karmic problems? Your helpers are not there to solve the problem. That is your job. They have gathered to lend you support.”

Nina: “What does that mean?”

Mother: “Your team members can do a lot in the physical realm even though they are in a purely energetic state. For instance, they have the power of persuasion. They can persuade others to assist you. They have the power to comfort and encourage you, or to send humans who will be encouraging. They have the power to convict you, so you realize your own shortsightedness. Angels have the power to shield you from harm, or to rescue you from danger. They can send you strength and determination when you are discouraged. I could go on, but you get the idea. You are being influenced, one way or the other.”

Nina: “What do you mean, one way or the other?”

Mother: “You are living in the middle apartment, sandwiched between upper and lower dimensions. The upper dimensions are high vibratory frequencies which influence for the good. The lower dimensions influence for the less good.”

Nina: “Evil influences?”

Mother: “We do not see lower influences in the same way that you do. We do not see them as wholly evil, black or white. Because while their intent is to do harm, their influence is mitigated and becomes a force for good.”

Nina: “How can harm be good? How can suffering be good?”

Mother: “Let me ask you. If there was only daylight and never night, would you wish that night would come?”

Nina: “Yes, because I would get sick of the daylight 24-7. Darkness is needed for sleep.”

Mother: “Rightly said. And if there were only sweet foods and no salty foods, would you wish for the taste of salt?”

Nina: “Definitely. I see what you are getting at. Contrast makes the good seem better.”

Mother: “That’s right. Light and dark are only two halves of the same whole. A plot without an antagonist is a boring story. There must be opposing viewpoints.”

Nina: “But how much suffering is too much? How does my karmic team know when to intervene on the dark forces?”

Mother: “What a wonderful question. Like professional interventionists, they are taught by high level instructors when is the right time to rescue you.”

Nina: “So my care is an organized effort.”

Mother: “Highly organized. Your karmic team is a highly trained response unit.”

Nina: “That is comforting. One more question. When I make offerings to God, what good does that do, if any?”

Mother: “Remember that icky stuff called karma? It is the universe’s superglue. It travels with you from lifetime to lifetime. When you have a spiritual practice or make offerings to God, it knocks some of that superglue off. Karma falls away, chunk by chunk when you do something non selfishly. When you give without getting anything back, you are cleansing yourself of karma. And let us remember that karma, ultimately, is suffering.”

Nina: “Nobody wants to suffer. Thus, we should all be looking for ways to give unselfishly.”

Mother: “Generally, yes. However, some people do nothing but give and never receive. For them, to receive is to give. It works the opposite way for them. It depends upon the lessons your soul is learning. If you have always given, try and receive on occasion. If you always receive, try to give on occasion and your karma will balance itself out.”

Nina: “There is that word “balance” again.”

Mother: “May I ask child, how do you feel now about praying to God?”

Nina: “Honestly, I have been unknowingly expecting God to change karma, both mine, and others. I feel that by sending us helpers, our karmic team, that God is doing as much as is allowed. And God is listening to our prayers like a faithful friend. I guess I don’t blame God for my karma anymore. Although I still wish, when it is hard, that someone would come to my rescue.”

Mother: “Your karmic team will intervene as much as they can. Sometimes what you need is as simple as a hug.”

Nina: “A hug can do a world of good on a very bad day.”

Mother: “I am your mother, so I am sending you hugs.”

Nina's Amazon Page: www.amazon.com/author/ninabingham